Welcome 2010!

I'd like to say that I am welcoming the New Year with open arms, but at this point in time (a whoppin' 2 days in to it) I'm deciding this year may just be as crappy as the last. I want to be optimistic, I really do! I have a promotion (well, 2) coming up, I'm gonna get my family out of this ever loving crap-hole of a house and into our OWN life!, I'm gonna be 30!...maybe that's not so exciting lol.

I'm tired of living in the guilt trips. I do so much for this family (Nick's parents included), that I should NOT have to live my life with guilt because I spent $25 on frickin' Taco Bell for my husband, kids and I and "made" them (his parents) eat leftover pizza that I spent $25 on the night before. Boo flippin' hoo. $50 could have gone a lot longer than 2 meals, had I gone to the store and bought food for said meals, but I worked all day, I wanted to treat myself.

I work EVERYDAY, in one way or another. Either I make a presence at my employer's to actually work on the clock, or I have to do one of the MANY things that this family requires. Usually on my days "off" I have to go grocery shopping...for the whole household. I usually try to see Nick for lunch 1-2 times a week, but a lot of my schedule (and the amount of kids I have on any given day) prevents me from seeing him much. I have weeks where I work 9 days straight at work, then still have to run the house.

Nick does a LOT to help me (most of the time). His mother does not. His father does nothing, but I can't expect much out of him. I was told at the beginning of December that she would be willing to cook us dinner for her Christmas break to help me out. Fabulous! I could use the break. But, she wanted me to plan out a freaking MENU to give her. I may as well just cook. I don't do menus, I pull stuff out of the cabinet and whip it together quite constantly.

If I were to add up all my trips to the grocery store just for the month of December, I would guesstimate that I spent probably about $400, on top of the $175 we get in food stamps. I think we pay well enough to cover expenses here and they eat like kings. I don't just make mac n cheese for dinner like she used to. I make full on meals, every night. Do you know how much it costs to feed 9 people for a month? A lot. So, why does she feel the need to go on freaking FACEBOOK and tell the world that they would have liked Taco Bell, too? I don't care!!!! Think of all the times when we ate mac n cheese or top ramen for dinner and she went and got Sonic for them and ate it in front of us. Does it matter how that made US feel? Oh, yeah...it doesn't.

I'm counting the days until our taxes come and we get the H out of this place. I can't do it anymore...I can't handle the crying and all the hateful feelings I feel, constantly! I can't handle not being able to raise my kids without someone butting in constantly. I can't handle thinking I have everything I need for dinner, only to find out something was used/eaten before I could make said dinner and we have no more money.

I just can't take it anymore. Put a fork in me, I'm done.

Screw you 2009 and if 2010 continues this way, it can go away, too!