Okay, okay

It was brought to my attention that I have not blogged in....well....*counts on fingers*...let's just say "forever".

So, here I am.  I am currently in my sweats and a tank top, sitting at the dining room table (I had just balanced my checkbook...yay me!) all alone.  My two pups are very bad dogs as I turned around to see what they were doing and they are on my brand new couch!  As IF!  My honey has been work-napped to be a slave to Duro-Last for the day.  I hate when he works Saturdays.  I know, I know, I should be thankful he HAS a job...and I am!!  Every day...except Saturdays and Sundays! LOL


So, I woke up super early yesterday morning, startled awake by a bad dream.  I got up and saw Nick for a few minutes before he left for work and went about my day.  It was an unexpected "sick day" for me.  I needed a break from work and I got one and it was WONDERFUL!!  I had all intentions on napping with the children when it came time, I even rescheduled the dog's vet appointment to be earlier, so I didn't have to keep kids up and take them with me during nap time.  We ventured to the vet with the sun at our backs...it was a lovely spring morning.  We stopped at Tanya's to drop off Nick's laptop to her, since hers is being shipped back from California after leaving it at her vacation destination...oops...and it was payday, and I knew she had bills to pay.  Then we went to the vet. Phew, handling to pups under a year old is hard work.  I got Bella's shots and had them check to see if Shanti had been spayed or not.  Turns out she had!! I was sooo excited!  So, I had her shot for Rabies so I can go license them together.  Yay me!

We then got gas and went to the Grange.  I got the pups a bone each (HUGE!) and a kong each (not so huge).  Came home, dropped Bella off to her crate, left her with a bone and left with the kids yet again to pick up lunch so we could accompany Nick at his work and let him say goodbye to the girls.  They had been over for 9 days for Spring Break and it was time for all 3 little kids to go to the opposite house.  So, Taco Bell we went!

Grabbed our lunch, went to Duro-Last, surprised my sweetie, ate with him and brought the kids home for naps.  It was just after 1 when I laid them down and the other parents were due to get off work at 4, so they had plenty of time to nap.  I sat on the couch and pulled up my Netflix on my laptop and watched another episode of an ABC Family show I have been hooked on called The Secret Life of the American Teenager.  Pretty good show.  Needless to say, with the amazing day I was having, I wasn't tired at that exact moment, so I chose to skip my nap.

I woke kids up, got them changed and dropped them off at their destination and went to Tanya's for a little while.  Went to Albertson's to pick up my meds (time to bleed! since I can't seem to do it on my own now), grabbed some already made Chicken Fajita mix and some cheese and came home.

Had an amazing dinner with my sweetie and then he watched a boy movie that I didn't care for while I messed around on Facebook, took a hot shower, drank some hot cocoa and went in my room to watch TV in where I passed out....only to wake up at 3:30 this morning!

So, now, here I sit waiting for a daycare child on my very last Saturday of doing daycare regularly...

I have a nail appointment at 10 and when the boy gets picked up, I am free until tomorrow night at 7! YAHOO!

TTFN!

The long road to a new me...Day 3

I finally put my foot down last week and decided to start losing some weight, if not inches.

The reason, sadly, isn't because I'm considered morbidly obese...unfortunately, I have become comfortable with myself.  Not happy, but comfortable.  I know my hubby loves me for me, not the weight I have on me.  The reason isn't because every picture I look at, I am reminded of how skinny I once was...I don't really care to be that small again, I was just a bag of bones.  The reason isn't because I can't keep up with my kids...most of the time I can and am very active with them.  The reason I want to lose the weight (and inches!) isn't because it seems to get harder to find cute clothes to fit me when I do have a chance to go shopping...My size has plateaued...I have been the same size for a couple years (clothing-wise), they just don't have a huge abundance of the ones that I can afford.

The reason I want to lose the weight?  I work in a shoe store.  I get tired of the customers coming in and I can't give them an opinion on most of the shoes because I don't wear a regular size 9 shoe anymore...nope, I wear a size 10....wide.  Now, most people are under false pretenses that all shoes come in regular or wide.  They don't.  And even some of the ones marked "wide" aren't wide enough for my feet. I have one pair of shoes that I buy over and over to wear every day of the year to work in.  We have a dress code and it's the only thing that fits right, is dressy enough and comfortable enough for 8-10 hr shifts.  Unfortunately, it's considered a sandal, so it's only sold between March and July-ish.  So, if they don't last very long (which they don't since I wear them every day that I work) I have to try and remember to stock up to last me through the winter! LOL

So, for my records, Day 1 included a walk around our "short circle" in the park, 4 times and the "big circle" once.  It was 10:00 at night and our friends were there with all the kids to let them get some energy out and to celebrate a birthday.

Day 2 was last night and it included 4 big circles in the park.  That was a good walk.

Day 3 (today) and we went on a bike ride.  We started at home, off Redwood Ave. and Dowell Rd. and rode up Dowell to Redwood Hwy, to Allen Creek Rd, to Harbeck Rd, to Williams Hwy.  We made it to Allen Dale Elementary when Nick made me turn back.  It was 94 degrees and I was feeling really sick to my stomach.  The ride home seemed like a breeze.

I WILL do this.  I will.

We are going grocery shopping in a few and I am going to buy a tape measure and start recording measurements on here just so I can see the progress!  I'm so excited!  Even more excited that my hubby is so excited to do this with me!




 

2 months gone by

And not a whole lot has changed! I'm still working my butt off, Nick's still working his off and the kids are all still kids.

We have been struggling in the finance department for about a month now.  I forgot to write something down and it snowballed.  Ended up losing $700 trying to get my bank account back in order.  That was hard.  We still haven't recovered from that and we probably won't for awhile.  Antonio has stopped paying child support for Elijah until we can get him to quit whining about what it is that the state wants him to pay.  They wanted almost $400 a month from him and he's fighting it because basically, it cancels out the $426 that we pay them for the girls.  So, we'll see.  We should be getting papers soon saying we have a telephone hearing coming up.  From losing that $200 a month in support and the $200 a month in food stamps, we are REALLY struggling right now.  We have lost our cell phones due to non-payment, we have our final notices for everything else.  We have to pay our car payments or they take our cars and we can't get to work.  We have to pay our insurance or else the same consequence occurs.  We have to buy food or we all starve (feeding 5-7 people is NOT cheap).  We have to have gas to drive said cars to get to work.  I haven't paid anything to my sitter in who knows how long.  Luckily, she's a good friend and doesn't depend on her daycare earnings for income.  I feel so guilty about it, but I really just can't pay her anything.  I have doctors calling me constantly about my medical bills...I just...I can't.

It's so hard knowing I am working my arse off and there isn't anything I can show for it.  I have dreams.  I have hopes.  I mean, we really *hope* to pay off the cars with next year's taxes, so we don't have to pay the car payments anymore.  I really *hope* that child support is going to come through soon.  We really ARE going to pay our tv off in 2 more months.  I can't give it back now, it's ours in 2 months! 

We can't do anything about Boatnik this year.  We are taking Eli to the parade on Saturday, my only day off for the whole Memorial Day weekend.  I work open to close on Sunday and open to close on Monday, which is when Nick will be at home, all day, by himself.  Well, Sunday he will be...Monday the oldest 2 will be home with him and the baby will come home around 5:30 that day.

The kids transferred to Redwood Elementary when we moved here and we are having soooo many problems with them that I just want to scream.  I don't want to go into too many details, but he was sent home from school Monday for ripping a page out of a book.  They got mad and sent him home saying he was vandalizing intentionally.  After I heard the story, I disagree.  So, yeah.

Well, it's about time for me to start getting ready for work.

To the most wonderful husband in the world!!

"Smile"

You're better than the best
I'm lucky just to linger in your light
Cooler than the flip-side of my pillow (that's right)
Completely unaware
Nothing can compare to where you send me
Let's me know that it's okay (yea, it's okay)
And the moments when my good times start to fade

[Chorus:]
You make me smile like a sun, Fall outta bed
Sing like a bird, Dizzy in my head
Spin like a record, Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like fool, Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, Buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh, you make me smile

Even when you're gone
Somehow you come along just like a flower pokin through the sidewalk crack
And just like that
You steal away the rain
And just like that

[Chorus]

Don't know how I lived without you
'Cuz everytime that I get around you
I see the best of me inside your eyes
You make me smile
You make me dance like fool, Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, Buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh, you make me smile

[Chorus]

(Oh, you make me smile)
Oh you make me smille
(Oh, you make me smile)
Oh you make me smille

One of "those" days

It's not a bad day, really. Just a kick-back-around-the-house kinda day, until I have to go to work at 1:45. Anyone who knows me, knows I am NOT a lazy person, but I have learned that I cannot work when my back flares up, so when it did last night, I came home, iced it, lounged around all night (except when I had to tend to the little one's demands), watched a movie with the hubs, went to bed and woke up in excruciating pain. Even after everything I did, it was still very sore. So, I took a pain pill and I'm STILL lounging around! I have to get this under control before work because if my boss knows, she will freak out, since I still haven't really kissed and made up with her totally. She hurt me, and I'm holdin on to it!

It's Friday! Normally that doesn't mean much, but it actually does start my weekend. From Payless, at least. I have Pampered Chef parties to throw this weekend. Saturday, Sunday and Monday, but at least that isn't 8.5 hrs on my feet dealing with customers and shoes. I normally have my house in order every other Friday (well, any day, really...stupid neat freak in me), because the girls come over today, but like I said, my back is healing, so the dishes are piled up, the laundry is un-folded (but at least washed!) and we're still in our PJ's!

Elijah has eaten 4 bowls of cereal in the 4 hours he has been up, now. We ran out of milk after the 2nd bowl and he's been eating it dry the last 2 bowls. A convo we had about said milk:

Me: "We need to get some milk."

E: "We don't have any milk. It's all gone."

Me: "I know, we need to go BUY some."

E: "Wal Mart has milk!"

Me: "Yes, I know Wal Mart has milk."

LOL!

So, we may have to venture out to the store, because now we have no juice, either and that's just not gonna work. Water is the devil to Elijah, unless it comes out of my water bottle, when he wants to drink it.

I have a 2 hour lunch today during my shift. I don't know why, she's never done that before, but it will either change, or just be a really long lunch!

Well, guess I didn't have much to say. Wish I could enjoy this BEAUTIFUL weather we are having! But, the meds I just started say no long exposure to sunlight...*sigh* We will have more spring weather, soon enough.

Ta-ta!

Way to piss off a fat chick!

Lots has happened in the last month and a half.

We moved into our own place. Thank God, and everything Holy for that one!

We continue to live our lives as promised and stick by one another. Our relationship had a few bumps in it one night, but I believe we are over them, one of us merely bruised, but not scarred by the turn we took and I really, REALLY hope to never go down that road, again.

I was out of work for a few days a few weeks ago because my sciatica flared up pretty badly and I couldn't get it under control to save my life. The day before I was due back to work, I noticed Devin wasn't feeling well. I took him to the doctor and he was diagnosed with strep. He was given a 5 day antibiotic and was feeling better in about 24 hrs. Easy peasy!

About a week later, I come down with a cold. Now, colds usually aren't my friend because of the sinus issues I suffer from. So, I wasn't too excited to have gotten this one, but I was on an "aggressive" round of antibiotics and prednisone for 3 weeks to try and shrink the cysts and polyps in one of my sinus cavities and wasn't concerned with getting the strep or a sinus infection, for the antibiotics had me covered! My 3 weeks was up about a week into the cold and I really wasn't feeling any better. But, I fought it, I kept going to work and I kept doing my Pampered Chef parties and I kept trying to get better. This last Saturday, my boss was coming in and before she got there, I texted her and asked if I could possibly go home at my lunch. My lunch was 4 hours into my shift and when I get back from lunch would only leave her without me for 3 hours. She texted me back and said, "I'm coming in early, we need to talk."

Now, my boss and I are pretty close, or so I'd like to think. We're more friends and I'd like to think that I never really need the whole "boss/employee" relationship cause I have been there for so long. If I have a question, I ask it, but more on a friend trying to learn level...not a I'm scared to ask my boss anything cause she's gonna think I'm stupid level.

So, she does come in, about 30 minutes early. She barely says hi to me and tells me, "When the store is clear, ha ha, come to the back and we will talk." It takes me about 20-30 minutes, but the store is finally clear and I go back to get my whippin.

She starts laying into me about how if I can't be there on my scheduled times, it makes HER job a lot harder because she needs to do managerial things to get prepared for our District Manager to come (what was yesterday) and that she NEEDS me to be there when I am scheduled so that she can get HER stuff done while I run the store. *blink blink*

What on-lookers don't know, is that she has missed the most work out of the rest of us combined, just in the last 3 months. Whenever she is tired, has a migraine, cramps, doesn't feel good or just doesn't want to work, she goes home. She leaves whichever one of us ALONE, to go home and do what she wants to do, while we run the store.

I let last Saturday go, I know she really did need to get stuff done, but I don't understand why she waited until a Saturday, our busiest day of the week, to get stuff done and leave me, being as sick as I am/was, to run the store efficiently, by myself. So be it, it's done and over. I worked my whole shift and I made it out sick, but alive. I also made a 12 hour day that day because I also had a Pampered Chef party to throw that night. But, that's not the case!

I had Sunday off, but had to go in to work for a meeting Sunday night. I had Monday off, I worked Tuesday and I worked Wednesday. Tuesday I attempted to call my boss to ask her what happened with something I was confused on, I don't remember what, she never answered her phone, she never called back. Fine. Good thing the store wasn't on fire.

Wednesday I was dizzy, sweating, cold and working my butt off because ALL shoes had to be out before Thursday, when the DM got to the store. I never made an attempt to contact my boss. She called me at about 11 and when I answered the phone, I get a response of "Oh, dear God." I said, "Yes?" and she asked how I was feeling. I told her the truth, again, as a friend, not as my boss. If I looked at her as my boss, I would have lied and said I was fine. I told her I was feeling like crap but that we were making good head way on the work load. I mentioned I had decided to hit Urgent Care after work (wouldn't want to miss any work to go to the dr), she said, "Let me know what they say."

I got off at 5:15, I headed straight to Valley Immediate Care, sat in the lobby for an hour plus, had my vitals done in the meantime, was running a low grade fever, was called into a room, waited in there for another 30-45 mins, was finally seen and told I had a double ear infection on top of the cold I had and since I had a kid who just had strep, he wasn't going to run the test, but assumed I had some form of it. He put me back on Augmentin, which is what I had just taken 3 weeks of, and wrote me a script for Sudafed.

I came home and texted my boss. Just said, "Running fever and have a double ear infection. Start meds tomorrow." I texted again, "Oh, and strep!"

She texts me back probably about 20 minutes later and says, "You went to a dr and got these results?"

That's not a normal tone for her, that's a very pissy, impersonal tone.

I replied with, "Yes, I spent 2 hours at the dr getting these results."

She replies with, "I'm going to have to put you on LOA (leave of absence) until you get completely better."

"You've got to be freaking kidding me! Over a cold!?! Are you gonna put Ryann on an LOA the next time she gets sick?!?!"

She then calls me...

The shit hits the fan...

She starts SCREAMING at me, to where Nick, sitting on the other couch beside me, can hear every word she is saying. She screams about how I'm obviously too sick to be doing my job and that I didn't tell her it was just a cold and just was NOT listening to anything I was saying. She tells me how I should just take a break and be gone for awhile...until the tubes are put in my ears, my hearing is back, my back is better, etc. I fought with her for probably 20 mins to a half hour. Many tears were shed, many words were held back. I wanted to quit sooo badly, but this house depends on my income, now. I can't risk losing this place because I'm being verbally battered upon by my boss, who I thought was my friend. Nick just doesn't make enough with the child support and the insurance and whatnot for us to survive, so unless I find another job, which isn't likely in this economy, there is no way I can leave that place. Not yet.

I guess it's worse because we were close and I don't think we are going to be now. She hurt me...badly.

Needless to say, I was forced into an LOA, I plan on going back Monday, as much as I just want to give her the finger, I need the paycheck.

*sigh*

It's always something...always.

It hurts...

Please make it stop.

I have been hurt by not one, but two of my best friends today. One happened to be what I believe as unintentional, as I don't want to believe my husband would do anything to hurt me on purpose. Events have been happening off and on for 2 weeks or more and while I won't go into detail on here, let's just say it's been rather painful for me.

So, due to these events, I have turned to the only friend I can talk to who I have always believed wouldn't judge me. Turns out I got to see the other side of the coin today when I went to express my feelings and needed a shoulder to lean on when he suddenly snapped and said to pretty well get over it.

*jaw drops*

Okay then...guess we won't be talking much anymore.

What's really crappy is that I woke up in an awesome mood...I made breakfast for Nick and I and his Dad and made waffles (frozen, of course) for the kids. I then did all the dishes, dried and put them away and since our dishwasher broke in the middle of a cycle, I had to re-wash all of the dishes in there by hand. I wiped all the counters and the stove down, I took over the laundry that Nick had started for me and I cleaned our bedroom. I had commented on what a good mood I was in but that I had a feeling it wasn't going to last. I got a, "Way to be optimistic, babe" (in a jokingly, loving way) from the hubby and now here I am.

I should be paid to be a psychic... No one ever listens when I say what is going to happen, then when it happens, all I have to say is, "I told ya so".

Case in point: The phone rang, repeatedly, and I turned to Nick and said it was probably his mom trying to get a hold of his dad to find out if he wanted any food. Nick talked to her at some point (don't know if she called him or he called her or what) and when I asked what she wanted, he told me she wanted to know if his dad wanted any food. I win.

Now pay up.

Forget this frickin' life man, I'm so over it. I just wonder if it's all worth all the pain I go through on a daily basis.