A weekend of fun and a week of not so much fun

So last Friday was the annual field trip for Head Start to Wildlife Images.  Tanya and I wanted to go, so we made arrangements to be closed for the morning and took the kids that we knew parents needed us for.  We took 2 with us and had our own, also.  Antonio and Allison met us there to help support Eli's trip and it was pouring down rain.  The WHOLE time.  But, we brought umbrellas and had proper clothing on, so it wasn't so bad.  I had fun, I think the kids had fun and we came home to dry out.  The rest of the day went good and it was the weekend to have the girls, so Nick had picked them up on his way home from work.  Saturday we got up and got ready for games.  Allison's was first, so we went to the school to watch most of hers, where Angela had to leave early to go to work and Antonio and I had to leave early to get to Eli's game that was across town.  So, Nick stayed and wrangled the girls and I took Eli to his game.  Antonio met us there and he played.  I was SOOO happy cause he had SUCH a great attitude that day and played really well!!!  The Saturday before, he cried.  The game was at 9am so we were there for warm ups at 8:30 and he was NOT happy.  He cried and threw such a fit that we had to leave.

So, in any case, we got done with Eli's game and ended up missing Emma's.  Antonio took Eli with him for his weekend visit and I went to the bank and met Nick at home.  He heated up leftover pizza for him and the girls and then we went to the new Goodwill in town.  It was pretty nice.  Only found 2 things, though.  The weather was gorgeous for the games and when we went to Goodwill, it had gotten cold and started raining.  Boo.

We went to Wal Mart to grab a few things and then went home.  I made nachos for dinner and we watched How Do You Know.  I wasn't thrilled with the movie...thought it could be a lot better considering the really good people it had in it.

Sunday I decided I was tired of our small, cluttered house and went through everything in the laundry room.  The laundry room was the only room in the house that Nick's parents left stuff in and it was the first time I had touched anything in there since they moved in September.  We tossed everything that we didn't need or didn't know what it was and made a heaping laundry basket of things to give away on freecycle.  We made good progress that day.  Now to move on to a different room in the house! LOL

I spent pretty much all day on the spring cleaning and was pretty well occupied.  Around 2 we decided to load up a cabinet that I had been promising Tanya for awhile and deliver it.  Only, I realized why she hadn't gotten it yet.  Nick dropped the first one and broke it, so we had to load up the one that I was originally gonna keep and give her that one.  That's the day we acquired our "dinosaur".  He's a bearded dragon named Draco and he was Tanya's oldest daughter's but she doesn't have the time or interest to take care of him and we offered to take him and care for him.  So out moved the cabinet and in moved the lizard.

We then decided to go dresser shopping.  Yay.  Dropped Alli off with Antonio, picked up Emma's back pack, went to dinner at Applebee's and picked up Devin and Brandon.  We went home and Nick put the dresser together until 10:00.

Emma chose to stay with us for the week, so I got the kids up and ready for school on Monday.  Dropped them all off, went to work, chatted, Tanya had to take Katie clothes at school on her way to take Paige to the doctor, I made the daycare kids lunch and laid they all down.  I walked into the living room to put Kacen to sleep and doubled over in pain and started crying...I called the OB office and talked to a nurse who told me to go to the ER.  Who are they kidding?  I didn't have time to go to the hospital!  I sat around and tried to let it pass.  I called Nick, called Tanya, Tanya came home, waited some more and finally went around 5.  I was there until 8 and they assume I had a cyst rupture on my left ovary.  It was nearly 4 cm big so they don't know if it just got too big or if it twisted and popped.  Tanya went and picked up Nick and brought him to get me and the car.  I went home in a lot of pain and doped up on 2 percocet.  I went to bed and hardly slept. 

Nick stayed home with me on Tuesday to take care of me and it was hit and miss, but he tried his best. LOL  He ended up weed eating the yard (which I wasn't going to do, anyway) and I ended up making dinner (which he was supposed to do).

Fun times!

A new me?

So, I got a membership to the YMCA in February, on a scholarship, but there, nonetheless!  Nick and I were dragging the kids every Monday and Wednesday night.  We would drop the older boys in the pool, take Eli to daycare, go work out for our 45 mins to an hour and then get Eli and swim for the last hour.  It was quite a process cause it seemed we were never home.  Then everything changed.  The boys started Kung Fu and the girls started soccer and Eli started T-Ball.  So, when the girls' mom can't get Emma to practice, we are responsible to get her there.  Okay, that's fine and dandy, I'd love to help out, versus seeing her suffer because she missed a practice.

So, here's the new schedule:

Monday:  Boys Kung Fu 415-515
                Emma soccer practice 600-700
                Eli T-Ball Game 500-630
(no YMCA)


Wednesday: Boys Kung Fu 415-515
                     Emma Soccer Practice 600-700
                     Eli T-Ball Practice 600-700
(no YMCA)

Saturday: Allison's Soccer Game 900-1000
                Emma Soccer Game (time varies)
                Eli T-Ball Game 830-1000

(The YMCA is only open 1200-500 on the weekends)

Mind you that Nick and I both work all day.  So, PHEW!  We are having fun doing it, though!

In any case, we can't go to Y much lately, so we are taking whatever time we can to walk at the park when it's not 20 degrees and pouring rain.  Tanya and I walked 2 miles last night and I left with HUGE blisters on my feet (boo!)  But, the point is, I am 14 lbs down...the scale reads in the 200's now, rather than the 300's.  That was my first goal!  The next goal is another 24 lbs away!

I have been suffering a horrible sinus infection for the last few weeks and it is absolutely going to kill me!  I have to get rid of it, and soon! Before the polyps start forming and I have to have surgery again.  So, let's hope it goes away, soon!

I made a different kind of enchiladas last night, they were so yummy!

Okay, I'm done!

Okay, okay

It was brought to my attention that I have not blogged in....well....*counts on fingers*...let's just say "forever".

So, here I am.  I am currently in my sweats and a tank top, sitting at the dining room table (I had just balanced my checkbook...yay me!) all alone.  My two pups are very bad dogs as I turned around to see what they were doing and they are on my brand new couch!  As IF!  My honey has been work-napped to be a slave to Duro-Last for the day.  I hate when he works Saturdays.  I know, I know, I should be thankful he HAS a job...and I am!!  Every day...except Saturdays and Sundays! LOL


So, I woke up super early yesterday morning, startled awake by a bad dream.  I got up and saw Nick for a few minutes before he left for work and went about my day.  It was an unexpected "sick day" for me.  I needed a break from work and I got one and it was WONDERFUL!!  I had all intentions on napping with the children when it came time, I even rescheduled the dog's vet appointment to be earlier, so I didn't have to keep kids up and take them with me during nap time.  We ventured to the vet with the sun at our backs...it was a lovely spring morning.  We stopped at Tanya's to drop off Nick's laptop to her, since hers is being shipped back from California after leaving it at her vacation destination...oops...and it was payday, and I knew she had bills to pay.  Then we went to the vet. Phew, handling to pups under a year old is hard work.  I got Bella's shots and had them check to see if Shanti had been spayed or not.  Turns out she had!! I was sooo excited!  So, I had her shot for Rabies so I can go license them together.  Yay me!

We then got gas and went to the Grange.  I got the pups a bone each (HUGE!) and a kong each (not so huge).  Came home, dropped Bella off to her crate, left her with a bone and left with the kids yet again to pick up lunch so we could accompany Nick at his work and let him say goodbye to the girls.  They had been over for 9 days for Spring Break and it was time for all 3 little kids to go to the opposite house.  So, Taco Bell we went!

Grabbed our lunch, went to Duro-Last, surprised my sweetie, ate with him and brought the kids home for naps.  It was just after 1 when I laid them down and the other parents were due to get off work at 4, so they had plenty of time to nap.  I sat on the couch and pulled up my Netflix on my laptop and watched another episode of an ABC Family show I have been hooked on called The Secret Life of the American Teenager.  Pretty good show.  Needless to say, with the amazing day I was having, I wasn't tired at that exact moment, so I chose to skip my nap.

I woke kids up, got them changed and dropped them off at their destination and went to Tanya's for a little while.  Went to Albertson's to pick up my meds (time to bleed! since I can't seem to do it on my own now), grabbed some already made Chicken Fajita mix and some cheese and came home.

Had an amazing dinner with my sweetie and then he watched a boy movie that I didn't care for while I messed around on Facebook, took a hot shower, drank some hot cocoa and went in my room to watch TV in where I passed out....only to wake up at 3:30 this morning!

So, now, here I sit waiting for a daycare child on my very last Saturday of doing daycare regularly...

I have a nail appointment at 10 and when the boy gets picked up, I am free until tomorrow night at 7! YAHOO!

TTFN!

The long road to a new me...Day 3

I finally put my foot down last week and decided to start losing some weight, if not inches.

The reason, sadly, isn't because I'm considered morbidly obese...unfortunately, I have become comfortable with myself.  Not happy, but comfortable.  I know my hubby loves me for me, not the weight I have on me.  The reason isn't because every picture I look at, I am reminded of how skinny I once was...I don't really care to be that small again, I was just a bag of bones.  The reason isn't because I can't keep up with my kids...most of the time I can and am very active with them.  The reason I want to lose the weight (and inches!) isn't because it seems to get harder to find cute clothes to fit me when I do have a chance to go shopping...My size has plateaued...I have been the same size for a couple years (clothing-wise), they just don't have a huge abundance of the ones that I can afford.

The reason I want to lose the weight?  I work in a shoe store.  I get tired of the customers coming in and I can't give them an opinion on most of the shoes because I don't wear a regular size 9 shoe anymore...nope, I wear a size 10....wide.  Now, most people are under false pretenses that all shoes come in regular or wide.  They don't.  And even some of the ones marked "wide" aren't wide enough for my feet. I have one pair of shoes that I buy over and over to wear every day of the year to work in.  We have a dress code and it's the only thing that fits right, is dressy enough and comfortable enough for 8-10 hr shifts.  Unfortunately, it's considered a sandal, so it's only sold between March and July-ish.  So, if they don't last very long (which they don't since I wear them every day that I work) I have to try and remember to stock up to last me through the winter! LOL

So, for my records, Day 1 included a walk around our "short circle" in the park, 4 times and the "big circle" once.  It was 10:00 at night and our friends were there with all the kids to let them get some energy out and to celebrate a birthday.

Day 2 was last night and it included 4 big circles in the park.  That was a good walk.

Day 3 (today) and we went on a bike ride.  We started at home, off Redwood Ave. and Dowell Rd. and rode up Dowell to Redwood Hwy, to Allen Creek Rd, to Harbeck Rd, to Williams Hwy.  We made it to Allen Dale Elementary when Nick made me turn back.  It was 94 degrees and I was feeling really sick to my stomach.  The ride home seemed like a breeze.

I WILL do this.  I will.

We are going grocery shopping in a few and I am going to buy a tape measure and start recording measurements on here just so I can see the progress!  I'm so excited!  Even more excited that my hubby is so excited to do this with me!




 

2 months gone by

And not a whole lot has changed! I'm still working my butt off, Nick's still working his off and the kids are all still kids.

We have been struggling in the finance department for about a month now.  I forgot to write something down and it snowballed.  Ended up losing $700 trying to get my bank account back in order.  That was hard.  We still haven't recovered from that and we probably won't for awhile.  Antonio has stopped paying child support for Elijah until we can get him to quit whining about what it is that the state wants him to pay.  They wanted almost $400 a month from him and he's fighting it because basically, it cancels out the $426 that we pay them for the girls.  So, we'll see.  We should be getting papers soon saying we have a telephone hearing coming up.  From losing that $200 a month in support and the $200 a month in food stamps, we are REALLY struggling right now.  We have lost our cell phones due to non-payment, we have our final notices for everything else.  We have to pay our car payments or they take our cars and we can't get to work.  We have to pay our insurance or else the same consequence occurs.  We have to buy food or we all starve (feeding 5-7 people is NOT cheap).  We have to have gas to drive said cars to get to work.  I haven't paid anything to my sitter in who knows how long.  Luckily, she's a good friend and doesn't depend on her daycare earnings for income.  I feel so guilty about it, but I really just can't pay her anything.  I have doctors calling me constantly about my medical bills...I just...I can't.

It's so hard knowing I am working my arse off and there isn't anything I can show for it.  I have dreams.  I have hopes.  I mean, we really *hope* to pay off the cars with next year's taxes, so we don't have to pay the car payments anymore.  I really *hope* that child support is going to come through soon.  We really ARE going to pay our tv off in 2 more months.  I can't give it back now, it's ours in 2 months! 

We can't do anything about Boatnik this year.  We are taking Eli to the parade on Saturday, my only day off for the whole Memorial Day weekend.  I work open to close on Sunday and open to close on Monday, which is when Nick will be at home, all day, by himself.  Well, Sunday he will be...Monday the oldest 2 will be home with him and the baby will come home around 5:30 that day.

The kids transferred to Redwood Elementary when we moved here and we are having soooo many problems with them that I just want to scream.  I don't want to go into too many details, but he was sent home from school Monday for ripping a page out of a book.  They got mad and sent him home saying he was vandalizing intentionally.  After I heard the story, I disagree.  So, yeah.

Well, it's about time for me to start getting ready for work.

To the most wonderful husband in the world!!

"Smile"

You're better than the best
I'm lucky just to linger in your light
Cooler than the flip-side of my pillow (that's right)
Completely unaware
Nothing can compare to where you send me
Let's me know that it's okay (yea, it's okay)
And the moments when my good times start to fade

[Chorus:]
You make me smile like a sun, Fall outta bed
Sing like a bird, Dizzy in my head
Spin like a record, Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like fool, Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, Buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh, you make me smile

Even when you're gone
Somehow you come along just like a flower pokin through the sidewalk crack
And just like that
You steal away the rain
And just like that

[Chorus]

Don't know how I lived without you
'Cuz everytime that I get around you
I see the best of me inside your eyes
You make me smile
You make me dance like fool, Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, Buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh, you make me smile

[Chorus]

(Oh, you make me smile)
Oh you make me smille
(Oh, you make me smile)
Oh you make me smille

One of "those" days

It's not a bad day, really. Just a kick-back-around-the-house kinda day, until I have to go to work at 1:45. Anyone who knows me, knows I am NOT a lazy person, but I have learned that I cannot work when my back flares up, so when it did last night, I came home, iced it, lounged around all night (except when I had to tend to the little one's demands), watched a movie with the hubs, went to bed and woke up in excruciating pain. Even after everything I did, it was still very sore. So, I took a pain pill and I'm STILL lounging around! I have to get this under control before work because if my boss knows, she will freak out, since I still haven't really kissed and made up with her totally. She hurt me, and I'm holdin on to it!

It's Friday! Normally that doesn't mean much, but it actually does start my weekend. From Payless, at least. I have Pampered Chef parties to throw this weekend. Saturday, Sunday and Monday, but at least that isn't 8.5 hrs on my feet dealing with customers and shoes. I normally have my house in order every other Friday (well, any day, really...stupid neat freak in me), because the girls come over today, but like I said, my back is healing, so the dishes are piled up, the laundry is un-folded (but at least washed!) and we're still in our PJ's!

Elijah has eaten 4 bowls of cereal in the 4 hours he has been up, now. We ran out of milk after the 2nd bowl and he's been eating it dry the last 2 bowls. A convo we had about said milk:

Me: "We need to get some milk."

E: "We don't have any milk. It's all gone."

Me: "I know, we need to go BUY some."

E: "Wal Mart has milk!"

Me: "Yes, I know Wal Mart has milk."

LOL!

So, we may have to venture out to the store, because now we have no juice, either and that's just not gonna work. Water is the devil to Elijah, unless it comes out of my water bottle, when he wants to drink it.

I have a 2 hour lunch today during my shift. I don't know why, she's never done that before, but it will either change, or just be a really long lunch!

Well, guess I didn't have much to say. Wish I could enjoy this BEAUTIFUL weather we are having! But, the meds I just started say no long exposure to sunlight...*sigh* We will have more spring weather, soon enough.

Ta-ta!

Way to piss off a fat chick!

Lots has happened in the last month and a half.

We moved into our own place. Thank God, and everything Holy for that one!

We continue to live our lives as promised and stick by one another. Our relationship had a few bumps in it one night, but I believe we are over them, one of us merely bruised, but not scarred by the turn we took and I really, REALLY hope to never go down that road, again.

I was out of work for a few days a few weeks ago because my sciatica flared up pretty badly and I couldn't get it under control to save my life. The day before I was due back to work, I noticed Devin wasn't feeling well. I took him to the doctor and he was diagnosed with strep. He was given a 5 day antibiotic and was feeling better in about 24 hrs. Easy peasy!

About a week later, I come down with a cold. Now, colds usually aren't my friend because of the sinus issues I suffer from. So, I wasn't too excited to have gotten this one, but I was on an "aggressive" round of antibiotics and prednisone for 3 weeks to try and shrink the cysts and polyps in one of my sinus cavities and wasn't concerned with getting the strep or a sinus infection, for the antibiotics had me covered! My 3 weeks was up about a week into the cold and I really wasn't feeling any better. But, I fought it, I kept going to work and I kept doing my Pampered Chef parties and I kept trying to get better. This last Saturday, my boss was coming in and before she got there, I texted her and asked if I could possibly go home at my lunch. My lunch was 4 hours into my shift and when I get back from lunch would only leave her without me for 3 hours. She texted me back and said, "I'm coming in early, we need to talk."

Now, my boss and I are pretty close, or so I'd like to think. We're more friends and I'd like to think that I never really need the whole "boss/employee" relationship cause I have been there for so long. If I have a question, I ask it, but more on a friend trying to learn level...not a I'm scared to ask my boss anything cause she's gonna think I'm stupid level.

So, she does come in, about 30 minutes early. She barely says hi to me and tells me, "When the store is clear, ha ha, come to the back and we will talk." It takes me about 20-30 minutes, but the store is finally clear and I go back to get my whippin.

She starts laying into me about how if I can't be there on my scheduled times, it makes HER job a lot harder because she needs to do managerial things to get prepared for our District Manager to come (what was yesterday) and that she NEEDS me to be there when I am scheduled so that she can get HER stuff done while I run the store. *blink blink*

What on-lookers don't know, is that she has missed the most work out of the rest of us combined, just in the last 3 months. Whenever she is tired, has a migraine, cramps, doesn't feel good or just doesn't want to work, she goes home. She leaves whichever one of us ALONE, to go home and do what she wants to do, while we run the store.

I let last Saturday go, I know she really did need to get stuff done, but I don't understand why she waited until a Saturday, our busiest day of the week, to get stuff done and leave me, being as sick as I am/was, to run the store efficiently, by myself. So be it, it's done and over. I worked my whole shift and I made it out sick, but alive. I also made a 12 hour day that day because I also had a Pampered Chef party to throw that night. But, that's not the case!

I had Sunday off, but had to go in to work for a meeting Sunday night. I had Monday off, I worked Tuesday and I worked Wednesday. Tuesday I attempted to call my boss to ask her what happened with something I was confused on, I don't remember what, she never answered her phone, she never called back. Fine. Good thing the store wasn't on fire.

Wednesday I was dizzy, sweating, cold and working my butt off because ALL shoes had to be out before Thursday, when the DM got to the store. I never made an attempt to contact my boss. She called me at about 11 and when I answered the phone, I get a response of "Oh, dear God." I said, "Yes?" and she asked how I was feeling. I told her the truth, again, as a friend, not as my boss. If I looked at her as my boss, I would have lied and said I was fine. I told her I was feeling like crap but that we were making good head way on the work load. I mentioned I had decided to hit Urgent Care after work (wouldn't want to miss any work to go to the dr), she said, "Let me know what they say."

I got off at 5:15, I headed straight to Valley Immediate Care, sat in the lobby for an hour plus, had my vitals done in the meantime, was running a low grade fever, was called into a room, waited in there for another 30-45 mins, was finally seen and told I had a double ear infection on top of the cold I had and since I had a kid who just had strep, he wasn't going to run the test, but assumed I had some form of it. He put me back on Augmentin, which is what I had just taken 3 weeks of, and wrote me a script for Sudafed.

I came home and texted my boss. Just said, "Running fever and have a double ear infection. Start meds tomorrow." I texted again, "Oh, and strep!"

She texts me back probably about 20 minutes later and says, "You went to a dr and got these results?"

That's not a normal tone for her, that's a very pissy, impersonal tone.

I replied with, "Yes, I spent 2 hours at the dr getting these results."

She replies with, "I'm going to have to put you on LOA (leave of absence) until you get completely better."

"You've got to be freaking kidding me! Over a cold!?! Are you gonna put Ryann on an LOA the next time she gets sick?!?!"

She then calls me...

The shit hits the fan...

She starts SCREAMING at me, to where Nick, sitting on the other couch beside me, can hear every word she is saying. She screams about how I'm obviously too sick to be doing my job and that I didn't tell her it was just a cold and just was NOT listening to anything I was saying. She tells me how I should just take a break and be gone for awhile...until the tubes are put in my ears, my hearing is back, my back is better, etc. I fought with her for probably 20 mins to a half hour. Many tears were shed, many words were held back. I wanted to quit sooo badly, but this house depends on my income, now. I can't risk losing this place because I'm being verbally battered upon by my boss, who I thought was my friend. Nick just doesn't make enough with the child support and the insurance and whatnot for us to survive, so unless I find another job, which isn't likely in this economy, there is no way I can leave that place. Not yet.

I guess it's worse because we were close and I don't think we are going to be now. She hurt me...badly.

Needless to say, I was forced into an LOA, I plan on going back Monday, as much as I just want to give her the finger, I need the paycheck.

*sigh*

It's always something...always.

It hurts...

Please make it stop.

I have been hurt by not one, but two of my best friends today. One happened to be what I believe as unintentional, as I don't want to believe my husband would do anything to hurt me on purpose. Events have been happening off and on for 2 weeks or more and while I won't go into detail on here, let's just say it's been rather painful for me.

So, due to these events, I have turned to the only friend I can talk to who I have always believed wouldn't judge me. Turns out I got to see the other side of the coin today when I went to express my feelings and needed a shoulder to lean on when he suddenly snapped and said to pretty well get over it.

*jaw drops*

Okay then...guess we won't be talking much anymore.

What's really crappy is that I woke up in an awesome mood...I made breakfast for Nick and I and his Dad and made waffles (frozen, of course) for the kids. I then did all the dishes, dried and put them away and since our dishwasher broke in the middle of a cycle, I had to re-wash all of the dishes in there by hand. I wiped all the counters and the stove down, I took over the laundry that Nick had started for me and I cleaned our bedroom. I had commented on what a good mood I was in but that I had a feeling it wasn't going to last. I got a, "Way to be optimistic, babe" (in a jokingly, loving way) from the hubby and now here I am.

I should be paid to be a psychic... No one ever listens when I say what is going to happen, then when it happens, all I have to say is, "I told ya so".

Case in point: The phone rang, repeatedly, and I turned to Nick and said it was probably his mom trying to get a hold of his dad to find out if he wanted any food. Nick talked to her at some point (don't know if she called him or he called her or what) and when I asked what she wanted, he told me she wanted to know if his dad wanted any food. I win.

Now pay up.

Forget this frickin' life man, I'm so over it. I just wonder if it's all worth all the pain I go through on a daily basis.

It's funny that I woke up today

After a day like yesterday, I really wish I hadn't. I would love for anything other than another day like yesterday.

So, I got my promotion at work the other day, and a raise. I'm just Full-Time for now, but the next step is Assistant Manager, and I will get there...soon! It will, of course, entail another raise in money and in hours, so that will be exciting. As a full-timer, I get more perks from the company that a part-timer doesn't get, but of course, not as many as my Store Manager.

Still no w-2 for Nick. Yesterday (when he should have gotten it) there were rumors that they would come in today. I *really* hope so. I wanna start this bankruptcy ball rolling and get the hell out of this place. I really just can't take it anymore, but it seems that my poor hubby is feeling the same way. It's straining on us as individuals and as a couple...especially if you take the fight we had last night into consideration. Our biggest fight in over 13 months. Nick never loses his temper enough to scream at me, and he did, but I think we both used it as a way to get our emotions out and now we are all better. Lasted no more than an hour...including the make-up talk.

I had my tests done on Tuesday, they went semi-quick. I had my CT scans, one of my head and one of my sinuses (for 2 different things), straight from that room I was rushed off to have the ultrasound of my thyroid done. That one hurt. He had to press so hard on my throat to get the pictures...eep! So, then he went and asked if they were ready to do my echo and I guess they said no? cause he said they usually stay on schedule and don't take people in early like he had. It was 12:26 and he sent me back out to the lobby of the hospital. I didn't even have time to type out a text and a lady came and got me for my echo. When I mentioned that I had just came out, she made some stupid joke and we walked right back to where I was, 2 doors down. She had me disrobe from the waist up and put on the gown. I laid on my left side, facing her, she hooked me up to some wires and then she did the ultrasound of my heart. When she made my heartbeat audible, I had asked if the extra loud "Ka-thunk!" I heard was the supposed murmur. She claimed everything was working fine thus far and she hadn't found a murmur. She did this view for a long time and then went to a different angle. Did that one for a little while and then went from right under my sternum and looked up...that one only lasted a few.

At the very end of the echo, she then declares that I have 2 leaky valves that are causing the murmur(s) but she said it's nothing to worry about. These were adult on-set and while SHE may think it's nothing to worry about, she's not my doctor, or the cardiologist and she doesn't realize that 5 years ago this month, my 53 year old aunt dropped dead in the middle of her bus route because her heart just stopped beating. She had just taken a physical and was declared healthy (other than the fact that she was overweight and a smoker). I'm the same way. I have been told many times before that I very healthy for being the size I am, and I'm alright with that!

My new medication is making me sick. I spent all day at work yesterday feeling like I was going through menopause. I was dizzy, nauseated and having hot flashes all day. As long as I held on to something while I was standing or moving, I was able to control it and not fall over like I wanted to. I called the dr at 9...she called me back at 5. Way to get back to your patients in a timely manner. :p The only suggestion she had was to cut the pill in half and take it pretty well into the middle of my breakfast. I don't normally eat breakfast, so the last few days I have been forcing myself to so I can take the medicine. We'll see if the breaking in half helps any or not.

So, with that being said, I had a really difficult day yesterday.

This isn't even to go into all the crap that happened at work, that I'm purposely leaving out.

It's my life, every time I take a step forward (my promotion/raise), I take about 5 back (the rest of my life). It's very emotionally draining and not even the medication is helping any more.

Today is a new day

T-minus 2 days and counting until we file taxes...

Tomorrow I find out which promotion I get at work, Assistant Manager or just Full-Time associate for now.

Today I have all my tests at the hospital at noon.

Yesterday I opted to have my blood taken from me for my labs. I managed to escape after only 2 pokes (I'm a multiple poker cause my veins sink/vanish) and since it was in the same arm, I have a nice color coming on. :)

Wish me luck!

I very well may freeze to death before I finish typing this :p

So, let's see...

I found a new doctor (well, NP) who LISTENS! to what I have to say. Yay! So, I went in and saw her last Tuesday. I spent an hour and a half with her in the room, going over various ailments and medical history. After the paper stuff, she started the exam. She listened to my lungs, said they were nice, listened to my heart and asked me if I had ever been told I have a murmur. *jaw drops to the floor* Why no, no, I have not! I'm very anxious about this murmur because I have *no* idea when it started and what is causing it. I have read things online about adult onset of murmurs and it just made me more sick to my stomach, so, we will see. She examined me and asked me mass amounts of questions about my "headache" I had before Thanksgiving. She said, even though I was diagnosed with a migraine the first time and a muscle spasm headache the second time, that she thinks I may have just had a concussion. I have no idea what a concussion feels like because I have never experienced one prior. We talked shortly about my Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome deal and she gave me a glucose pill that will help regulate the monthly cycle again, advised me to get BACK on my anti-depressant and ordered a whole crap ton of test.

She wants:

-A CT scan of the head, she wants to check for the possibilities of me having a small stroke when I had that head pain (scary) and with the CT, she wants a sinus survey done so we can see if there are any polyps forming again of if all the pain is just from the thickening of the lining

-An echocardiogram for the cause of the murmur and to see if my heart is okay

-An ultrasound of my thyroid because she said it's rather hard and while I protested and said that I had just had my thyroid tested in September, she reassured me with telling me that most doctors only order one lab for the thyroid and she does 5 different ones. So, here's to hopin she finds yet another excuse to my weight issue :p (the PCOS also causes weight gain)

-I need to be tested for sleep apnea...but I think that is coming later

-I have a whole bunch of labs that need to be done in about an hour...she wants to check my vitamin D levels, my cholesterol, my glucose, the blood part of the thyroid, and some other stuff I don't understand on the lab slip

So, I had initially gone in with major complaints of my back. I wanted that looked at/dealt with first, but I guess the other things are more important. She sent me home with a pain med script and I will protest again and make her do something about it when I go back. But, I may be going back sooner than anticipated, I have managed to get to the point where it's painful to sit for longer than 3 minutes. It doesn't matter the position, my posture, anything...it hurts. I was asked this morning how I do it and how I work with it like this and all I have to say is I'm in some sort of pain, every day of my life and I have learned to manage pretty well. With my back, I am usually up and on the go, anyhow, so the sitting doesn't happen often, unless I'm in the car or trying to relax in the evenings.

This week is going to be a very anxious week for me. I want it to go by quickly. Today I am having my blood drawn, then I go to work and close. Tomorrow I am having all those other tests done (minus the Sleep Apnea) and I have the day off, Wednesday our District Manager is going to be down and I find out if I'm going to Assistant Manager right now, or just to full time for now, Thursday I open at work and we are going to (please please please) be filing taxes when I get off and then Friday we start the process of finding/finalizing a place to live. I can't freakin wait!

So, that's it in a nutshell. Will update as I know more.

Welcome 2010!

I'd like to say that I am welcoming the New Year with open arms, but at this point in time (a whoppin' 2 days in to it) I'm deciding this year may just be as crappy as the last. I want to be optimistic, I really do! I have a promotion (well, 2) coming up, I'm gonna get my family out of this ever loving crap-hole of a house and into our OWN life!, I'm gonna be 30!...maybe that's not so exciting lol.

I'm tired of living in the guilt trips. I do so much for this family (Nick's parents included), that I should NOT have to live my life with guilt because I spent $25 on frickin' Taco Bell for my husband, kids and I and "made" them (his parents) eat leftover pizza that I spent $25 on the night before. Boo flippin' hoo. $50 could have gone a lot longer than 2 meals, had I gone to the store and bought food for said meals, but I worked all day, I wanted to treat myself.

I work EVERYDAY, in one way or another. Either I make a presence at my employer's to actually work on the clock, or I have to do one of the MANY things that this family requires. Usually on my days "off" I have to go grocery shopping...for the whole household. I usually try to see Nick for lunch 1-2 times a week, but a lot of my schedule (and the amount of kids I have on any given day) prevents me from seeing him much. I have weeks where I work 9 days straight at work, then still have to run the house.

Nick does a LOT to help me (most of the time). His mother does not. His father does nothing, but I can't expect much out of him. I was told at the beginning of December that she would be willing to cook us dinner for her Christmas break to help me out. Fabulous! I could use the break. But, she wanted me to plan out a freaking MENU to give her. I may as well just cook. I don't do menus, I pull stuff out of the cabinet and whip it together quite constantly.

If I were to add up all my trips to the grocery store just for the month of December, I would guesstimate that I spent probably about $400, on top of the $175 we get in food stamps. I think we pay well enough to cover expenses here and they eat like kings. I don't just make mac n cheese for dinner like she used to. I make full on meals, every night. Do you know how much it costs to feed 9 people for a month? A lot. So, why does she feel the need to go on freaking FACEBOOK and tell the world that they would have liked Taco Bell, too? I don't care!!!! Think of all the times when we ate mac n cheese or top ramen for dinner and she went and got Sonic for them and ate it in front of us. Does it matter how that made US feel? Oh, yeah...it doesn't.

I'm counting the days until our taxes come and we get the H out of this place. I can't do it anymore...I can't handle the crying and all the hateful feelings I feel, constantly! I can't handle not being able to raise my kids without someone butting in constantly. I can't handle thinking I have everything I need for dinner, only to find out something was used/eaten before I could make said dinner and we have no more money.

I just can't take it anymore. Put a fork in me, I'm done.

Screw you 2009 and if 2010 continues this way, it can go away, too!

I started typing this in November and never posted it...oops!

It's been a good month and a half since I typed anything up, though not a whole lot has been going on, I figured I would still update some. Let's go by person today:

Youngest to oldest perhaps?

Elijah: Eli will be 3 in about 3 weeks. I can't believe it! I went on a Thomas themed party adventure at the beginning of the week, only for it to end as an epic FAIL. Apparently Thomas the train is no longer the "thing" enough to keep anything but a cake in a store. I went to 3 places, including a party supply store looking for Thomas decor, only to find none. :( So, I came home and went online. I googled "Thomas the Tank party supplies" and came up with tons of hits. So, I cruised through about 4 or 5 of them, 2-3 of them didn't have invites (which is what I was looking for first) and then the 2 of them that did, it was about $4.00/pack of 8 invitations. Not bad. Put them in my cart and find out it's $8-10 for shipping?!?! Not so much! So, I went on ebay and found a mom who makes them in her spare time and ordered 8 at $1.00 each and free shipping. I win! So, he will be having a Thomas birthday, as planned...I will just be ordering supplies online. :) Elijah dressed up as Thomas for Halloween, by the way.

Allison: Oh, dear Allison. She is something else. Her and her sister are only here in our care every other weekend, Friday-Sunday, then here in "Nana's Care" every other weekend on Saturday night, normally. It's amazing to me how different she can be while under the same roof, but under different parental units. She finished her 4 Saturdays of soccer. I miss all but 1 of them due to work or other issues. I heard she did pretty good. Allison was a poodle skirt girl for Halloween.

Emma: Emma was also involved in the 4 Saturdays of soccer, she also did pretty well for her and Nick hopes to have her in normal soccer come Spring. We'll see. From what I have been told by her mother, she is doing awesome in 1st grade. She's a good student, just wish she wasn't so shy. Emma was a "trendy witch" for Halloween.

Brandon: Brandon is getting huge. He's taller than Devin by about 1/2 and inch and wears the same size clothes and pretty close to the same size shoes. I think they are maybe 1/2 size different. He's doing great in school academically, he still struggles with the rest of life while in school. I believe his teacher is giving up on him (this seems to be the trend all 3 years) and I'm going to have a nice talk with her come conference time. He's reading at 4th grade level, doing 4th grade math and I think his spelling is 3rd grade. Not bad for being a 2nd grader. Brandon finished out soccer outstandingly. He loved it...he had a few of his normal breakdowns, but most of the time his head really was trying to get in the game. He has decided he wants to be in basketball for the winter. We'll see how that goes. Brandon did not get to participate in Halloween for yet another year. His father and step-monster don't believe in it any longer, so the children go without for 4 years...any time Halloween falls on Thurs, Fri, Sat or Sunday. *sigh*

Devin: Devin really is amazing in so many ways. Not that all my kids aren't, some way or another, just sayin... Devin is doing awesome in school, he's got all A's and B's and if my memory serves me correct, the progress report he just brought home said all A's and 1 B!! So, yeah, I have a lot to be thankful for with him. He did very well in football this year. This is the last year he can play flag football thought :( If he wants to play football again, it will have to be tackle in Pop Warner. He has decided he wants to do basketball this winter, also and has decided to do soccer next, and take a break from football. *Phew* I'm gonna have my plate full, again.

Me: Well, I have had a crappy last 3 days. I woke up Tuesday with some neck and shoulder pain, just felt like I had slept on it wrong, like it normally does when I do. I couldn't get it all rubbed out by myself, so I took some ibuprofen and hoped for the best. I went to work and realized a couple hours later that the neck and shoulder issues were resolved but I still had a pounding headache (which I had assumed was from the sleeping hard, like they usually are). I noticed every time I went to the front of the store, I would wince in pain because the sun just happened to peek out that morning and it comes right in our store windows. Then I felt the nausea set in. By 11:00 I was in tears, trying to stay out of the bathroom and calling my boss. I was the only one there and she was already on her way in, 45 minutes early, so she sent me home as soon as she got there. I called the sitter and arranged for Eli to stay until Nick got off so that I could go home, take some vicodin and get some more sleep, in the hopes that I would feel better, like I normally would, after a migraine. I slept for 4 hours when Nick finally woke me up and I didn't feel the slight better.

I don't remember where I was going at this point, it's where I stopped typing about 6 weeks ago. LOL So, in any case, I remember going to my family doctor who chalked my headache up to be a migraine, gave me a shot of something (he didn't tell me what, I had to find out from the nurse that it was a steroid, pain killer and anti-nausea med) and sent me home with a script. Said I should feel better shortly. I came home and believe I slept longer. After 2? 3? more days? I went to Urgent Care because I was NOT feeling better and I was mad at my doctor for sending me home with blood pressure meds with only the explanation of "your blood pressure is way too high". So, I venture to Urgent Care with Nick by my side. I got in and saw a doctor who told me that I was having, not a migraine, but a muscle spasm headache. I left out the word migraine when I explained my story to her and I never mentioned the head and neck pain I woke up with 5 days earlier. She asked me if I had any neck or shoulder issues and when I told her yes, I felt so much more relieved knowing my diagnosis was more accurate than from my family doctor.

She gave me some more pain meds, on top of muscle relaxers. And I went home. A day or 2 later, I was back at work.

I'm still on the blood pressure meds, though I don't know how they are working because the doctor hasn't had me come back in to check. Nice of him, huh?

I'm in the process of changing doctors.

Nick: Ahh, the man of my dreams. :) I'm so excited to be with him. He really is the only reason I am still around. He makes me melt, makes my heart skip a beat and makes me march to the beat of his drum.

He still works his butt off, every day at the same job. He just had his 3? year anniversary in September.

He still keeps his spirits up even though I know, in the position we are in, it can make the toughest person crumble at one time or another. He's promised to get me out of here as soon as possible and I can't wait.

I love this man so much.

So, that's it for now...guess I will post it, 6 weeks late! Better late than never, huh?!

Just an update

12856399999999 Elijah wanted to put his two cents in on the matter.

So, I went and saw my doctor on, I guess it was 2 weeks from yesterday, on the 14th. I went in with a list of things I wanted to talk about, but the main focus was my depression. I was tired of feeling so worthless and just not me. Before the kids went back to school, I would have 3-4 days off per week at work. On those days off, I wouldn't even get out of bed unless the kids needed to eat or if Elijah needed something. I wasn't okay...I KNEW I wasn't. I dragged myself to work for every shift because it was my safe haven away from my life at home. Even if I didn't want to be there, I would go. Good for me! I was "alright" while at work, but it would all start over the minute I walked in the door. I was a little better if Nick was around and even more better when I was out with him on the weekend. But, there was 40-50 hours a week that he wasn't around and that's when my world crashed. All I wanted to do was sleep, I cried...all.the.time. I really was just pretty much useless. So, that was first on my list. I told the doctor I had been suffering from this bout for 7-8 months and though not many people know this, I had thought about the very, VERY bad part of depression...the "s" word. When the doctor pried my intentions out of me, he asked if I had ever had a plan and while I did, I couldn't carry it out because all I could think about was how guilty I felt because I would be leaving the most wonderful man a girl could ask for and her gorgeous children (who never asked for any of this), behind. THAT is what kept me here, not because I am a pussy and couldn't do it.

I suffer from anxiety. I would have panic attacks over the stupidest things...mostly when we were expecting kids or the exes to pick up kids. I have no problems (major issues) with any of the exes, but it was just something I couldn't control.

I haven't had a monthly girl thing for 5 months. That's not REALLY out of the ordinary because I have PCOS, but it usually isn't THAT long in between SOMEthing that happens.

And my body has been hurting for no reason. Like achy hurt, like you have the flu and just can't understand why your hair hurts kinda thing. Like that. And I have no sex drive.

So, this is what he said: The depression and anxiety were obviously there. The fix: Wellbutrin XL once a day and counseling (hey, everyone needs someone to talk to, right?). The no period and no sex drive was chalked up to the depression thing, also. The fix: A pregnancy test (even though Nick is fixed, I have PCOS and a tilted uterus), blood work and a pelvic ultrasound. He didn't say anything about the body aches, though they have slowed down.

I started taking my medication 2 days later, on Wednesday. The pharmacist told me there would be a few immediate effects, but you don't feel full effects for about 4-6 weeks (as with any anti-depressant). By Thursday morning I felt better. Friday was even better!! Except that I am allergic to the medication and I broke out in hives and he refuses to take me off it...but, I feel better! And now, 2 weeks later, the hives are pretty well gone, so it seems my body built up it's immunity.

Things are just...fantastic. Even though we still live here, Nick and I have talked and agreed to stay and get more of our life caught up/calmed down. While I would LOVE to have more room, cause we are still cramped, I have accepted that this is where we need to be for right now and I am okay with that. I appreciate that Nick has stuck by me through all of this, he really is the best a girl could ask for.

My hours have picked up at work and I work 5 days/week, sometimes 6 if I need to cover a shift. I average about 30 hrs and I will be at 32 permanently after my birthday at the end of October when my 90 days is up. Then, hopefully I will be working my way to Assistant Manager.

So, that's how it is for now. More updates later!

This is SuckVille...take a number, please

So, I don't post much on here, mainly because nothing but negative things seem to happen in my life lately. It sucks. I'm tired of it, honestly. My in-laws do EVERYthing in their power to make my life miserable and yes, I truly believe that. No one reads this thing anyhow, I only made it to get some of my other feelings out that I can't on my MySpace blog because everyone I know in God's creation is on there and sometimes, just sometimes, I have to talk about them on here. So, Friday I woke up and was doing my normal morning ritual before I headed to work...you know, the normal, check the email, check the MySpace, check the Facebook, check the bank ritual. I checked my email and found an email from Nick's dad. It was "signed" by both his parents, but he was talking from only his perspective and then sent her a copy, too. So, I say it's from him. An email. Really? Cause we don't live in the same house and this wouldn't be easier if it was, say, face to face?! Really?! I'm so upset just thinking about it again.

He felt the need to inform me that everything I had ranted about was wrong. Like the fact that I do *all* the shopping and cook the meals. I had used the word *all* for the meals, but he reminded me that I only cook ONE meal a day during the week and maybe one on the weekend. Oh, my bad. I cook dinner every night and the ONE meal on the weekend is because I work! Never mind the fact that if I'm not cooking (because of work)...Nick is. Guess he doesn't count when it comes to me. I don't cook more than dinner every night because everyone eats breakfast and lunch at different times and we all have different things. My bad. I forgot cereal in the morning and sandwiches for lunch means they cook more than I do. And excuse me for working when all I hear about is how we owe you money. *deep breath*

Alright, I'm getting too upset, it's time to end this.

Hi, welcome to....my life?

So, I haven't typed in awhile. I've been too "busy", believe it or not. I may only work 20 hours a week, but it's enough to make me feel like I am working 50+. I like my job, I really do. I could do without some of the people who come in, but all in all, I really like it. I am first in line to become the next assistant manager when our current assistant takes over as store manager when our current store manager leaves to pursue a "career" somewhere else, soon. My assistant manager makes me feel like I can do anything. She is very sweet and caring, she believes in me and if I don't understand something the first time, she reassures me that I will learn it over time and it's not just me.

I'm scared about the promotion, I have a hard time working the 20 hours a week, I can't imagine what it's gonna be like working 40+, having to be called at whim when something happens (or doesn't happen), covering people's shifts when they don't/can't come in (which I've been doing anyhow), etc. I'm sure I will do fine, just saying.

We finally have new phones again. I love my blackberry curve more than any phone I have ever owned. It does everything but provide food when I ask it to. I'm still learning how to use it, but hopefully it will all come with time.

School starts in just over 2 weeks. I'm soooooo happy. Not because the kids won't be home, but because I won't have to fight with Nick's ex about when the girls can and can't be here during the week, because God forbid, I have a job and don't have a man who is unemployed and sitting on his butt to be a live in babysitter. Oh wait, that's Elijah father I am talking about. My bad. I refuse to pay daycare for 5 kids when the only reason we have the girls like we do, is because I wasn't employed at the time that the agreement was made in May. So!

Well, now it's time for me to get ready for work again, so I didn't get a chance to finish. Maybe some other day!

News

I posted a blog a couple days ago. In it, I believe I had talked about having an interview at Payless on Wednesday. Well, I went to the interview and was being interviewed solely by the Assistant Manager, Penny. The store manager, Cambria, was there, but Penny is training to take over Cam's position, so she left it to Penny to do the interviewing. I had a REALLY good interview, Penny was very personable and because of that, I wasn't nervous or having my panic attacks like I normally would. We got through the interview and the "mock store experience" and she sent me home. I had a few errands to run after the interview and got home around 5. I barely sat down at the computer and the phone rang. It was Cam saying that she wanted me to come in on Thursday for a very short interview with her, so she could get a feel for me. I agreed and hung up. At 6:30 Wednesday night, I was chillin' when Cam called once again. She said she had been talking to Penny and had decided to go with her decision and offer me the position. I had my first shift last night. I was supposed to work from 4:15-7:15, but since I'm getting a "crash course" in training, they wanted me to stay and close with them. I agreed to stay and proceeded my night with 2 managers telling me different things every second of the night.

I ended up going 4 straight hours, on my feet, in non-supportive shoes (lol) with no break. I was sent home at 8:15 because Penny was afraid I was being overwhelmed despite my best efforts to play it off. I admit, I WAS overwhelmed, but I also knew there would always be someone there for me to ask questions if I need it in the next coming weeks. Cambria informed me that she was going to make me key/code carrier by Sunday (which I thought was pretty cool). She had decided not to make one of the other employee key/code carrier so that she could make me one. Yay me!

Let me tell ya, Payless isn't just about selling shoes. With Wal Mart and Toys R Us, I never had to deal with any numbers, I just did my job and went on with my life. Payless is ALLLLLLLLLLLLL about numbers and customers. We have goals to meet every day. We have numbers for the register, numbers for the safe (that we all have access to), numbers to the alarm, numbers for shoes, numbers for EVERYthing. Good thing I am good at remembering numbers! We have this "Customer Journey" we have to go through with every customer that walks in the store. We have to greet them and offer them help, offer to measure feet if a child comes in the store, we suggest trying having them try on as many pairs as possible (ew) and have to compliment, then we have to upsell accessories and/or jewelry with each sale. Each cashier has their own numbers for their goals, plus our numbers for our team goals. It's just insane. I think it will come as a second wind once I have been around longer than, say, a day, but at first it really is kind of confusing.

So, I got hired to work 8-12 hrs. a week. I was told last night for the next couple weeks would be more around 20 hrs. I'm cool with that. We could totally use the money right now. I go back at 6:15 tonight and am definitely closing...so happy we close at 9 and are out by 9:15. It's early enough for me to come home and see my hubby for about 45 minutes before we pass out on our faces.

I have tomorrow night off, per my request, because we have tickets to go see BILL ENGVALL!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH!!! I'm so excited!!!

And tomorrow is my oldest baby's birthday! He's gonna be 9!!

So, anyway, that's that!

The conclusion to "the gasp" from the previous post

So, I dropped the kids off with Tim and whatsherface yesterday. She was already out of the car when we pulled in and I was going to let them approach me cause I really wasn't interested in what they had to say. Or so I thought.

Tim gets out of the car as the boys are getting into their car and he has papers in his hand. Now, in my head I think, "Oh my God. What is he serving me with NOW?" He hands them to me and asks if I had gotten a copy. I quickly glance over the packet and notice that it is from the school district and it is regarding Brandon's TAG results. Wait...*blink blink blink*I never consented to him being tested for TAG. I had told Tim, Brandon's teacher and Brandon's psychologist that I had considered him being placed, but I wanted him to mature a little more before being put through another change. So, while Tim (I assume, since the letter was addressed to him) allowed them to test Brandon for TAG, I was unaware. But, I guess I don't mind. I knew he would make it. He qualified based on his Math and Reading. Good job, kiddo. So, his teacher will come up with a PEP (Personal Education Plan) for him next year and this last through the end of 5th grade, where he will be evaluated again to see if he needs to be in it for 6th grade.

While talking to my mom, I found that I was put in GATE (California's version of TAG) for my Reading and Vocabulary? Yay me. I don't know what happened to said Vocabulary, but, meh.

So, we talked, civilly for about 10 minutes or so. In the almost 2 years that Nick and I have been together, we have never talked face to face except the one time that I cornered Tim when his wife wasn't there and screamed at him for something. We talked about sports. Devin is going to do football and Brandon will be in soccer. We hope that they both do well enough to earn the privelage to play baseball in the Spring. They mentioned they would need our help with the sports in the sense that games and/or practices may overlap and one set of parents would need to be in one place while the other set was in the other. We could possibly swap at half time. I'm excited for the kids, they need the extra-cirricular activities.

Nick mentioned to me this afternoon that he had been interviewed by the VP? of his company for a Sales Manager position he applied for. He has applied for a couple of Sales positions (mainly for the pay increase, I think) and was overlooked. He got his chance to talk this time and I am so proud. While the VP said that they prefer someone with more Sales experience, they wouldn't mind giving him a shot as a Sales Coordinator should a position come up. So, Nick (again, so proud) spoke up and asked if there was anything he could do to better his understanding of the position and he suggested getting him set up with a training class. YAY! While I don't really think he should be going for the position for the reason he is, I also know he is not happy in the position he is currently in. Not that he doesn't like the work, but he doesn't like the lack of work his co-worker does in the same area. I don't like the idea of him having to travel like he will have to. He hates just being away from me for the 8 hours while at work (and I do, too), but if that's what makes him happy, so be it. So, we will keep our fingers crossed and cross the bridge when we get there.

Time marches on

Well, here we are, damn it...the in-laws will be home tomorrow. It was SOOO nice to have such a long break, but we sure miss the girls around here. Has to be really hard on their mom. She gets them back for 2 nights and then they come to our house for 8 days. Hey, her choice, but I still feel for her.

The oldest boys leave for their dad's today at 3 until Sunday, just like normal. I got a phone call out of the blue from "him" yesterday asking if I ever got his text. When I informed him I never got such a thing, he told me he must have sent it to my old number (for whatever reason, he hasn't seemed to delete it yet). So, I asked him what it was about and he said that he wanted to know what school the kids were going to next year because he was inquiring about sports (insert gasp here) for them and they needed to know. I told them that despite my animosity for him, they would be returning to Fruitdale. Not to convenience him any, but because it is a VERY good school and they treated us VERY well this last year. They understand the situation between Tim and I and all the visitation and they are still allowing the kids to come back, even though we don't live in the boundaries. I feel very thankful for this.

Both of the kids told me they have been waiting to play baseball (I thought baseball "season" was over), but Tim is giving them the option of Soccer or Football. Devin has played a year of both (albeit soccer wasn't the league, it was with the Y when he was 5) and Brandon has yet to play because I am scared for his behavior issues. Tim has agreed with me that we need to let him try. Devin has chosen Football once again and Brandon has chosen Soccer (if baseball is not available in the Fall). I am very proud of them but nervous about the practice schedule coinciding with any chances of me getting/having a job.

The kids have done fairly well since school has let out. They are 100% willing to help me out when asked. I just wish they were old enough to do the dishes so I didn't have to hurt every time I did. Although they do the laundry (I just have to measure out the amount of clothes and do the soap and softener) and take out the garbage for me, I just don't trust them with that yet. lol

Devin and Allison's birthdays are next month. Alli's on the 3rd and Devin's on the 25th. We are going to combine the parties like we did with Brandon and Emma this year, can't really afford to do 2 different ones. We have decided to have it at Morrison park so that the kids (and adults if they wanna) can get wet, eat and play, all at the same time! It's a pretty park, I just wish it had more shade or gazebos. Then we don't have another birthday until mine in October, which doesn't ever amount to much and then Eli's Thomas themed party in December!

Alright, I have rambled enough. On with your day!