I started typing this in November and never posted it...oops!

It's been a good month and a half since I typed anything up, though not a whole lot has been going on, I figured I would still update some. Let's go by person today:

Youngest to oldest perhaps?

Elijah: Eli will be 3 in about 3 weeks. I can't believe it! I went on a Thomas themed party adventure at the beginning of the week, only for it to end as an epic FAIL. Apparently Thomas the train is no longer the "thing" enough to keep anything but a cake in a store. I went to 3 places, including a party supply store looking for Thomas decor, only to find none. :( So, I came home and went online. I googled "Thomas the Tank party supplies" and came up with tons of hits. So, I cruised through about 4 or 5 of them, 2-3 of them didn't have invites (which is what I was looking for first) and then the 2 of them that did, it was about $4.00/pack of 8 invitations. Not bad. Put them in my cart and find out it's $8-10 for shipping?!?! Not so much! So, I went on ebay and found a mom who makes them in her spare time and ordered 8 at $1.00 each and free shipping. I win! So, he will be having a Thomas birthday, as planned...I will just be ordering supplies online. :) Elijah dressed up as Thomas for Halloween, by the way.

Allison: Oh, dear Allison. She is something else. Her and her sister are only here in our care every other weekend, Friday-Sunday, then here in "Nana's Care" every other weekend on Saturday night, normally. It's amazing to me how different she can be while under the same roof, but under different parental units. She finished her 4 Saturdays of soccer. I miss all but 1 of them due to work or other issues. I heard she did pretty good. Allison was a poodle skirt girl for Halloween.

Emma: Emma was also involved in the 4 Saturdays of soccer, she also did pretty well for her and Nick hopes to have her in normal soccer come Spring. We'll see. From what I have been told by her mother, she is doing awesome in 1st grade. She's a good student, just wish she wasn't so shy. Emma was a "trendy witch" for Halloween.

Brandon: Brandon is getting huge. He's taller than Devin by about 1/2 and inch and wears the same size clothes and pretty close to the same size shoes. I think they are maybe 1/2 size different. He's doing great in school academically, he still struggles with the rest of life while in school. I believe his teacher is giving up on him (this seems to be the trend all 3 years) and I'm going to have a nice talk with her come conference time. He's reading at 4th grade level, doing 4th grade math and I think his spelling is 3rd grade. Not bad for being a 2nd grader. Brandon finished out soccer outstandingly. He loved it...he had a few of his normal breakdowns, but most of the time his head really was trying to get in the game. He has decided he wants to be in basketball for the winter. We'll see how that goes. Brandon did not get to participate in Halloween for yet another year. His father and step-monster don't believe in it any longer, so the children go without for 4 years...any time Halloween falls on Thurs, Fri, Sat or Sunday. *sigh*

Devin: Devin really is amazing in so many ways. Not that all my kids aren't, some way or another, just sayin... Devin is doing awesome in school, he's got all A's and B's and if my memory serves me correct, the progress report he just brought home said all A's and 1 B!! So, yeah, I have a lot to be thankful for with him. He did very well in football this year. This is the last year he can play flag football thought :( If he wants to play football again, it will have to be tackle in Pop Warner. He has decided he wants to do basketball this winter, also and has decided to do soccer next, and take a break from football. *Phew* I'm gonna have my plate full, again.

Me: Well, I have had a crappy last 3 days. I woke up Tuesday with some neck and shoulder pain, just felt like I had slept on it wrong, like it normally does when I do. I couldn't get it all rubbed out by myself, so I took some ibuprofen and hoped for the best. I went to work and realized a couple hours later that the neck and shoulder issues were resolved but I still had a pounding headache (which I had assumed was from the sleeping hard, like they usually are). I noticed every time I went to the front of the store, I would wince in pain because the sun just happened to peek out that morning and it comes right in our store windows. Then I felt the nausea set in. By 11:00 I was in tears, trying to stay out of the bathroom and calling my boss. I was the only one there and she was already on her way in, 45 minutes early, so she sent me home as soon as she got there. I called the sitter and arranged for Eli to stay until Nick got off so that I could go home, take some vicodin and get some more sleep, in the hopes that I would feel better, like I normally would, after a migraine. I slept for 4 hours when Nick finally woke me up and I didn't feel the slight better.

I don't remember where I was going at this point, it's where I stopped typing about 6 weeks ago. LOL So, in any case, I remember going to my family doctor who chalked my headache up to be a migraine, gave me a shot of something (he didn't tell me what, I had to find out from the nurse that it was a steroid, pain killer and anti-nausea med) and sent me home with a script. Said I should feel better shortly. I came home and believe I slept longer. After 2? 3? more days? I went to Urgent Care because I was NOT feeling better and I was mad at my doctor for sending me home with blood pressure meds with only the explanation of "your blood pressure is way too high". So, I venture to Urgent Care with Nick by my side. I got in and saw a doctor who told me that I was having, not a migraine, but a muscle spasm headache. I left out the word migraine when I explained my story to her and I never mentioned the head and neck pain I woke up with 5 days earlier. She asked me if I had any neck or shoulder issues and when I told her yes, I felt so much more relieved knowing my diagnosis was more accurate than from my family doctor.

She gave me some more pain meds, on top of muscle relaxers. And I went home. A day or 2 later, I was back at work.

I'm still on the blood pressure meds, though I don't know how they are working because the doctor hasn't had me come back in to check. Nice of him, huh?

I'm in the process of changing doctors.

Nick: Ahh, the man of my dreams. :) I'm so excited to be with him. He really is the only reason I am still around. He makes me melt, makes my heart skip a beat and makes me march to the beat of his drum.

He still works his butt off, every day at the same job. He just had his 3? year anniversary in September.

He still keeps his spirits up even though I know, in the position we are in, it can make the toughest person crumble at one time or another. He's promised to get me out of here as soon as possible and I can't wait.

I love this man so much.

So, that's it for now...guess I will post it, 6 weeks late! Better late than never, huh?!

Just an update

12856399999999 Elijah wanted to put his two cents in on the matter.

So, I went and saw my doctor on, I guess it was 2 weeks from yesterday, on the 14th. I went in with a list of things I wanted to talk about, but the main focus was my depression. I was tired of feeling so worthless and just not me. Before the kids went back to school, I would have 3-4 days off per week at work. On those days off, I wouldn't even get out of bed unless the kids needed to eat or if Elijah needed something. I wasn't okay...I KNEW I wasn't. I dragged myself to work for every shift because it was my safe haven away from my life at home. Even if I didn't want to be there, I would go. Good for me! I was "alright" while at work, but it would all start over the minute I walked in the door. I was a little better if Nick was around and even more better when I was out with him on the weekend. But, there was 40-50 hours a week that he wasn't around and that's when my world crashed. All I wanted to do was sleep, I cried...all.the.time. I really was just pretty much useless. So, that was first on my list. I told the doctor I had been suffering from this bout for 7-8 months and though not many people know this, I had thought about the very, VERY bad part of depression...the "s" word. When the doctor pried my intentions out of me, he asked if I had ever had a plan and while I did, I couldn't carry it out because all I could think about was how guilty I felt because I would be leaving the most wonderful man a girl could ask for and her gorgeous children (who never asked for any of this), behind. THAT is what kept me here, not because I am a pussy and couldn't do it.

I suffer from anxiety. I would have panic attacks over the stupidest things...mostly when we were expecting kids or the exes to pick up kids. I have no problems (major issues) with any of the exes, but it was just something I couldn't control.

I haven't had a monthly girl thing for 5 months. That's not REALLY out of the ordinary because I have PCOS, but it usually isn't THAT long in between SOMEthing that happens.

And my body has been hurting for no reason. Like achy hurt, like you have the flu and just can't understand why your hair hurts kinda thing. Like that. And I have no sex drive.

So, this is what he said: The depression and anxiety were obviously there. The fix: Wellbutrin XL once a day and counseling (hey, everyone needs someone to talk to, right?). The no period and no sex drive was chalked up to the depression thing, also. The fix: A pregnancy test (even though Nick is fixed, I have PCOS and a tilted uterus), blood work and a pelvic ultrasound. He didn't say anything about the body aches, though they have slowed down.

I started taking my medication 2 days later, on Wednesday. The pharmacist told me there would be a few immediate effects, but you don't feel full effects for about 4-6 weeks (as with any anti-depressant). By Thursday morning I felt better. Friday was even better!! Except that I am allergic to the medication and I broke out in hives and he refuses to take me off it...but, I feel better! And now, 2 weeks later, the hives are pretty well gone, so it seems my body built up it's immunity.

Things are just...fantastic. Even though we still live here, Nick and I have talked and agreed to stay and get more of our life caught up/calmed down. While I would LOVE to have more room, cause we are still cramped, I have accepted that this is where we need to be for right now and I am okay with that. I appreciate that Nick has stuck by me through all of this, he really is the best a girl could ask for.

My hours have picked up at work and I work 5 days/week, sometimes 6 if I need to cover a shift. I average about 30 hrs and I will be at 32 permanently after my birthday at the end of October when my 90 days is up. Then, hopefully I will be working my way to Assistant Manager.

So, that's how it is for now. More updates later!

This is SuckVille...take a number, please

So, I don't post much on here, mainly because nothing but negative things seem to happen in my life lately. It sucks. I'm tired of it, honestly. My in-laws do EVERYthing in their power to make my life miserable and yes, I truly believe that. No one reads this thing anyhow, I only made it to get some of my other feelings out that I can't on my MySpace blog because everyone I know in God's creation is on there and sometimes, just sometimes, I have to talk about them on here. So, Friday I woke up and was doing my normal morning ritual before I headed to work...you know, the normal, check the email, check the MySpace, check the Facebook, check the bank ritual. I checked my email and found an email from Nick's dad. It was "signed" by both his parents, but he was talking from only his perspective and then sent her a copy, too. So, I say it's from him. An email. Really? Cause we don't live in the same house and this wouldn't be easier if it was, say, face to face?! Really?! I'm so upset just thinking about it again.

He felt the need to inform me that everything I had ranted about was wrong. Like the fact that I do *all* the shopping and cook the meals. I had used the word *all* for the meals, but he reminded me that I only cook ONE meal a day during the week and maybe one on the weekend. Oh, my bad. I cook dinner every night and the ONE meal on the weekend is because I work! Never mind the fact that if I'm not cooking (because of work)...Nick is. Guess he doesn't count when it comes to me. I don't cook more than dinner every night because everyone eats breakfast and lunch at different times and we all have different things. My bad. I forgot cereal in the morning and sandwiches for lunch means they cook more than I do. And excuse me for working when all I hear about is how we owe you money. *deep breath*

Alright, I'm getting too upset, it's time to end this.

Hi, welcome to....my life?

So, I haven't typed in awhile. I've been too "busy", believe it or not. I may only work 20 hours a week, but it's enough to make me feel like I am working 50+. I like my job, I really do. I could do without some of the people who come in, but all in all, I really like it. I am first in line to become the next assistant manager when our current assistant takes over as store manager when our current store manager leaves to pursue a "career" somewhere else, soon. My assistant manager makes me feel like I can do anything. She is very sweet and caring, she believes in me and if I don't understand something the first time, she reassures me that I will learn it over time and it's not just me.

I'm scared about the promotion, I have a hard time working the 20 hours a week, I can't imagine what it's gonna be like working 40+, having to be called at whim when something happens (or doesn't happen), covering people's shifts when they don't/can't come in (which I've been doing anyhow), etc. I'm sure I will do fine, just saying.

We finally have new phones again. I love my blackberry curve more than any phone I have ever owned. It does everything but provide food when I ask it to. I'm still learning how to use it, but hopefully it will all come with time.

School starts in just over 2 weeks. I'm soooooo happy. Not because the kids won't be home, but because I won't have to fight with Nick's ex about when the girls can and can't be here during the week, because God forbid, I have a job and don't have a man who is unemployed and sitting on his butt to be a live in babysitter. Oh wait, that's Elijah father I am talking about. My bad. I refuse to pay daycare for 5 kids when the only reason we have the girls like we do, is because I wasn't employed at the time that the agreement was made in May. So!

Well, now it's time for me to get ready for work again, so I didn't get a chance to finish. Maybe some other day!

News

I posted a blog a couple days ago. In it, I believe I had talked about having an interview at Payless on Wednesday. Well, I went to the interview and was being interviewed solely by the Assistant Manager, Penny. The store manager, Cambria, was there, but Penny is training to take over Cam's position, so she left it to Penny to do the interviewing. I had a REALLY good interview, Penny was very personable and because of that, I wasn't nervous or having my panic attacks like I normally would. We got through the interview and the "mock store experience" and she sent me home. I had a few errands to run after the interview and got home around 5. I barely sat down at the computer and the phone rang. It was Cam saying that she wanted me to come in on Thursday for a very short interview with her, so she could get a feel for me. I agreed and hung up. At 6:30 Wednesday night, I was chillin' when Cam called once again. She said she had been talking to Penny and had decided to go with her decision and offer me the position. I had my first shift last night. I was supposed to work from 4:15-7:15, but since I'm getting a "crash course" in training, they wanted me to stay and close with them. I agreed to stay and proceeded my night with 2 managers telling me different things every second of the night.

I ended up going 4 straight hours, on my feet, in non-supportive shoes (lol) with no break. I was sent home at 8:15 because Penny was afraid I was being overwhelmed despite my best efforts to play it off. I admit, I WAS overwhelmed, but I also knew there would always be someone there for me to ask questions if I need it in the next coming weeks. Cambria informed me that she was going to make me key/code carrier by Sunday (which I thought was pretty cool). She had decided not to make one of the other employee key/code carrier so that she could make me one. Yay me!

Let me tell ya, Payless isn't just about selling shoes. With Wal Mart and Toys R Us, I never had to deal with any numbers, I just did my job and went on with my life. Payless is ALLLLLLLLLLLLL about numbers and customers. We have goals to meet every day. We have numbers for the register, numbers for the safe (that we all have access to), numbers to the alarm, numbers for shoes, numbers for EVERYthing. Good thing I am good at remembering numbers! We have this "Customer Journey" we have to go through with every customer that walks in the store. We have to greet them and offer them help, offer to measure feet if a child comes in the store, we suggest trying having them try on as many pairs as possible (ew) and have to compliment, then we have to upsell accessories and/or jewelry with each sale. Each cashier has their own numbers for their goals, plus our numbers for our team goals. It's just insane. I think it will come as a second wind once I have been around longer than, say, a day, but at first it really is kind of confusing.

So, I got hired to work 8-12 hrs. a week. I was told last night for the next couple weeks would be more around 20 hrs. I'm cool with that. We could totally use the money right now. I go back at 6:15 tonight and am definitely closing...so happy we close at 9 and are out by 9:15. It's early enough for me to come home and see my hubby for about 45 minutes before we pass out on our faces.

I have tomorrow night off, per my request, because we have tickets to go see BILL ENGVALL!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH!!! I'm so excited!!!

And tomorrow is my oldest baby's birthday! He's gonna be 9!!

So, anyway, that's that!

The conclusion to "the gasp" from the previous post

So, I dropped the kids off with Tim and whatsherface yesterday. She was already out of the car when we pulled in and I was going to let them approach me cause I really wasn't interested in what they had to say. Or so I thought.

Tim gets out of the car as the boys are getting into their car and he has papers in his hand. Now, in my head I think, "Oh my God. What is he serving me with NOW?" He hands them to me and asks if I had gotten a copy. I quickly glance over the packet and notice that it is from the school district and it is regarding Brandon's TAG results. Wait...*blink blink blink*I never consented to him being tested for TAG. I had told Tim, Brandon's teacher and Brandon's psychologist that I had considered him being placed, but I wanted him to mature a little more before being put through another change. So, while Tim (I assume, since the letter was addressed to him) allowed them to test Brandon for TAG, I was unaware. But, I guess I don't mind. I knew he would make it. He qualified based on his Math and Reading. Good job, kiddo. So, his teacher will come up with a PEP (Personal Education Plan) for him next year and this last through the end of 5th grade, where he will be evaluated again to see if he needs to be in it for 6th grade.

While talking to my mom, I found that I was put in GATE (California's version of TAG) for my Reading and Vocabulary? Yay me. I don't know what happened to said Vocabulary, but, meh.

So, we talked, civilly for about 10 minutes or so. In the almost 2 years that Nick and I have been together, we have never talked face to face except the one time that I cornered Tim when his wife wasn't there and screamed at him for something. We talked about sports. Devin is going to do football and Brandon will be in soccer. We hope that they both do well enough to earn the privelage to play baseball in the Spring. They mentioned they would need our help with the sports in the sense that games and/or practices may overlap and one set of parents would need to be in one place while the other set was in the other. We could possibly swap at half time. I'm excited for the kids, they need the extra-cirricular activities.

Nick mentioned to me this afternoon that he had been interviewed by the VP? of his company for a Sales Manager position he applied for. He has applied for a couple of Sales positions (mainly for the pay increase, I think) and was overlooked. He got his chance to talk this time and I am so proud. While the VP said that they prefer someone with more Sales experience, they wouldn't mind giving him a shot as a Sales Coordinator should a position come up. So, Nick (again, so proud) spoke up and asked if there was anything he could do to better his understanding of the position and he suggested getting him set up with a training class. YAY! While I don't really think he should be going for the position for the reason he is, I also know he is not happy in the position he is currently in. Not that he doesn't like the work, but he doesn't like the lack of work his co-worker does in the same area. I don't like the idea of him having to travel like he will have to. He hates just being away from me for the 8 hours while at work (and I do, too), but if that's what makes him happy, so be it. So, we will keep our fingers crossed and cross the bridge when we get there.

Time marches on

Well, here we are, damn it...the in-laws will be home tomorrow. It was SOOO nice to have such a long break, but we sure miss the girls around here. Has to be really hard on their mom. She gets them back for 2 nights and then they come to our house for 8 days. Hey, her choice, but I still feel for her.

The oldest boys leave for their dad's today at 3 until Sunday, just like normal. I got a phone call out of the blue from "him" yesterday asking if I ever got his text. When I informed him I never got such a thing, he told me he must have sent it to my old number (for whatever reason, he hasn't seemed to delete it yet). So, I asked him what it was about and he said that he wanted to know what school the kids were going to next year because he was inquiring about sports (insert gasp here) for them and they needed to know. I told them that despite my animosity for him, they would be returning to Fruitdale. Not to convenience him any, but because it is a VERY good school and they treated us VERY well this last year. They understand the situation between Tim and I and all the visitation and they are still allowing the kids to come back, even though we don't live in the boundaries. I feel very thankful for this.

Both of the kids told me they have been waiting to play baseball (I thought baseball "season" was over), but Tim is giving them the option of Soccer or Football. Devin has played a year of both (albeit soccer wasn't the league, it was with the Y when he was 5) and Brandon has yet to play because I am scared for his behavior issues. Tim has agreed with me that we need to let him try. Devin has chosen Football once again and Brandon has chosen Soccer (if baseball is not available in the Fall). I am very proud of them but nervous about the practice schedule coinciding with any chances of me getting/having a job.

The kids have done fairly well since school has let out. They are 100% willing to help me out when asked. I just wish they were old enough to do the dishes so I didn't have to hurt every time I did. Although they do the laundry (I just have to measure out the amount of clothes and do the soap and softener) and take out the garbage for me, I just don't trust them with that yet. lol

Devin and Allison's birthdays are next month. Alli's on the 3rd and Devin's on the 25th. We are going to combine the parties like we did with Brandon and Emma this year, can't really afford to do 2 different ones. We have decided to have it at Morrison park so that the kids (and adults if they wanna) can get wet, eat and play, all at the same time! It's a pretty park, I just wish it had more shade or gazebos. Then we don't have another birthday until mine in October, which doesn't ever amount to much and then Eli's Thomas themed party in December!

Alright, I have rambled enough. On with your day!

It's a hard knock life

So, my son has, apparently, reached a point in his toddler-hood that he has decided to do things outta the norm. He is usually pretty good at associating pens, pencils, crayons and the like with paper ONLY. So, the other day the boys are switching the laundry for me and I hear, "MOOOM!!! COME HERE!!!!"

This is what I found:

AND

I especially like the detail he went into on the dryer, quite creative.

Magic Eraser, here I come!

So, then after a few days of "behaving", I get pictures like these:

So, today I am sitting here, minding my own business planting my farm on Facebook and I hear another "UM...MOM?! Elijah is painting his hands and head!"

I jump up. "WHAT?!?!"

I ran into my bedroom to find pink nailpolish open and indeed all over his hands, head and my khaki down comforter.

I was so upset that I called Nick at work. No answer. So, I called my friend and told her she needed to think of something for me to do cause I was so pissed off I couldn't think straight. She told me the most obvious was to get the nail polish remover. So, I rinsed his hands off in the sink and grabbed my comforter, dragging it into the livingroom and sat and cried while scrubbing the nail polish off my beloved blanket. No luck. It took the thickness of the polish out, but not the color. I then polish removed Elijah's hands. And thought, what am I going to do about his head/hair? I quickly doused his head with remover and rubbed away with no such luck. I threw him in the shower, shampooed his head (twice) and got him out. By this time the polish was dry, so I took a brush and yanked through his hair best I could. It started out like this:

(that would be the corner of my blanket on the left side of the shot)

After the shower and the brushing, it looked more like this:

Sometimes I think God is looking down at me and laughing. lol

Man. I tell ya. This kid is gonna be the death of me.

I'm really just floored right now

I just don't understand the jealousy between me and the video games. Other than the fact that I feel left out. I like to play that game, too, but while he asked me twice if I wanted to play, there was no way it could happen. He has enough friends on Xbox Live to create a small Army, so there was no room in the group. Not to mention that he was playing with the friends that I have had conflicts with in the past (ie: name calling because I'm a girl and I whooped 'em, plain and simple)...but, instead of him saying, "Hey, Des wants to play, too.", he lets it go. Doesn't say anything to anyone.

I decide to let it go and start my crocheting. That didn't take off well cause I got confused and I'm not sure if I'm doing it right, and my glorious MIL who taught me how to do this, is gone. So, I tried getting on the computer. But I get bored on the computer. So, I got dressed and went for my daily walk, alone. It was nice to not have to push the 40lb. sack-0f-potatoes up and down all those hills, but he didn't even realize I left. Sad thing? I walked in between him and the tv multiple times, fully dressed in my walking outfit. Then, I walked right out the front door that he was sitting next to. I decided to text him after I hit the road and let him know to keep an ear out for the kids who were occupying themselves at the time. I didn't get a response until I was about at the end of the line and ready to turn home and it only consisted of, "Where did you go?" I replied with, "Out." because I was in quite a stride and didn't want to lose it to stop and text and I can't text and walk too well.

I walked as fast and as hard as I could to get all the animosity out, only to find I never got an acknowledgment that I was home. I let it go. I got in the shower, got out, finished dessert and served it to the kids, sat down at the computer (again, next to him) and started surfing the web. I was reading Susan's blog when I saw him get up and look in the little basket that holds all of our Xbox junk and noticed he was probably looking for the plug and play charger that I had loaned the kids who are playing the other Xbox in our room. I went in (without him speaking to me in anyway), grabbed it from the kids who were done using it, and brought it out and tossed it on the couch. He picked it up and plugged it and and guess what?! NOTHIN! I didn't get a thanks, an F-You, nothin.

This is getting very bothersome that his WHOLE freaking life just STOPS when it comes to the games. It's ridiculous. Really.

(and on a side note, now that he saw me typing this up, he will probably find it and "the shitteth will hitteth the fanneth"! Oh well, at least I will get him to acknowledge I'm alive)

General ramblings from a derranged mind

Things have been happening. Some good, mostly bad. Story of my life, right? But, I'm not here to focus on ALL the bad things, just want to post because I haven't in awhile.

Where to start...

I seemed to have pulled out of most of my depression once the sun came out and I was out of the house more and things calmed down enough that I wasn't constantly crying. It's not ALL gone, I don't know that it ever will be, but I feel a lot better than I used to on a day to day basis.

My in-laws left to Oklahoma for 2 weeks last Monday. I could only hope that they would decide to come back, pack up and leave. Knowing my luck, that won't be the case. I appreciate all they have done for us and then some, but I really just want away from here. With the 3 of us being unemployed and having a 2 1/2 year old in the house full time and 4 others part time, I really just can't deal. They will be back next Monday night, I'd assume, with the girls in tow.

I had an "interview" on Friday. I only put it in quotes because she really just wanted to meet me and then told me to tell her about myself. It only took about 10 minutes and I'm supposed to hear back anytime now on if I got the job as a glorious "Sandwich Artist" at Subway. LOL Hey, it's a job.

I did the dishes today. It killed me in the process, but I still, eventually, got them done. I started thinking about it as I was scrubbing the pots and pans from last night's baked chicken and pasta and wondered why it is when Nick does the dishes, he leaves the pots and pans (about 96% of the time) and when I have asked him why in the past, he tells me to just be happy he helped (more or less). I AM happy he helps, as pretty soon I don't think I will be able to do it, so either he or the kids will have to take over, but I just wonder why. Men. LOL

So, my kids are absolutely amazing. Both Devin and Brandon have been recognized for being the top readers in their classes with the most AR (Academic Reading) Points each. They read books and then take tests on the computer, they get points based on the level book that they read and on how many questions they got right. They have been helping me around the house, too. They put the wet stuff in the dryer and start it and bring me the dry stuff. They have been taking the garbage out and other various things. Of course, I DID have to bring the word "Allowance" into it, but hey, it gets them going!

Elijah is a prodigy all on his own. For being 2 1/2, he is something. He can count to 14 in english and spanish (rarely missing a number), he can visually recognize his numbers to 10, he is singing Twinkle, Twinkle, Itsy Bitsy Spider and is working on Old MacDonald and his ABC's. He is starting to recognize his letters, but I think he gets overwhelmed. Just about everything is the letter "E" to him right now, but he's working on it. He is making complete sentences such as, "I don't like that." "I don't want that." "I don't see it." "That's beautiful, Mommy." "Where is my other sandal shoe?" lol I caught him playing on the house phone the other day, the conversation went something like this:

"Hello? Hi. *insert jarble* strawberries! *insert more jarble* Okay? Bye." and he sets the phone down. lol

Kids, gotta love them.

Random thoughts

My poor son is a flea magnet. The cats have fleas and we can't seem to get them under control cause they are indoor/outdoor cats. We can't bomb the house cause God forbid my in laws leave the house long enough for us to be able to, so we either treat the cats as much as we can and use spray on the bedding and floors as much as possible, or we (being Elijah) suffer. He has at least one new bite every day, he scratches himself bloody from the itching and I just can't keep stuff on him that helps him. Giving him Benadryl every day isn't feasible, so I guess when my in laws go out of town on the 1st for a couple weeks, we will be bombing the house. I hope they get under control cause he is the ONLY one who is getting bitten. They don't touch the rest of us!

I'm pretty sure I totally bombed my phone interview with Enterprise Rent A Car's call center today. Hopefully they understand that I was just nervous. I will be contacted by email or phone within 5-7 days to tell me how good or bad it went. If I got the job, I would be required to work Saturday and Sunday, 40 hours a week and my shifts would be from 12 or 12:30 in the afternoon until 9 or 9:30 at night. But, there is the potential to work from home at some point if you do a good job and they like you enough. That would make my day, since we would be living 30 minutes away from work. I should have gone for the part time position, but Nick will be unemployed for the summer if I do get this, so we could use the money.

I'm about ready to go crawl back into bed. Today is "one of those days". I just woke up and don't want to be up and about. Depression is a horrible thing. I know I need medication, but I don't know how we are going to afford it and then I have to convince Nick that I do, in fact, need it. He doesn't think I do, but that's because he is really the only one who can make me feel better. I count the minutes until he comes home so that I can have adult interaction and a should to cry on or snuggle up to if I need it. He is my rock but unfortunately, he can't be around me 24/7.

I'm tired of the Old Navy bathing suit commercials. They are on every commercial break and getting very annoying.

A weekend away

I needed a break, from life. Unfortunately, it seems that I need them more often than I can get them.

1.) It costs money.

2.) I don't have money.

3.) Weekend are normally pretty screwed up because Elijah leaves Saturday afternoons, 3 weekends a month and we have to be back to town by 7pm on Sunday to pick up the other boys from their dad.

*sigh*

So, we decided to get away. We went to Cottage Grove, I have friends there that are more than willing to take us on with open arms. We brought all 3 boys with us because they were all home for Mother's Day weekend. We left here Friday. We should have left at 2:30, but low and behold, my middle son doesn't listen and got on the bus after school when I was sitting right there waiting to pick him up. Oh well, I met him at the Boys and Girls Club and got him in the truck. Then I had to stop and give my mom her Mother's Day stuff at her work. Then we went and picked Nick up from work, stopped at Dutch Bros. cause it was MDA day and all proceeds went to Muscular Dystrophy Association which we highly support (Nick's Dad and Brother have it). We started our way up, made the trip with no major meltdowns or anything. It's the furthest North Elijah has been. He's been South, to Yreka and San Fransisco. We spent some time at the park while our friends were finishing up a movie and being stuck in traffic in Eugene. Ran to the store and got the kids some milk, ran and got pizza for dinner and went to the house to settle in.

Friday night was a bad night for Elijah. He couldn't sleep well. At all. New place, new bed, all 3 kids in one bed, etc. So, I had little to no sleep Friday night. Saturday we got up and went to Eugene for breakfast. Had a yummy breakfast and went to a hardware store to get a key cut. By then, Elijah was soaked. I had forgotten to check his pull-up before we left the house and the diaper bag was in the house because it had toys in it that he was playing with. So, we had no extra clothes and no diapers. After the hardware store, we went to Wal Mart across the street from where I used to live, found him pants and a shirt for $2.50 each and got him some new pull-ups. Changed him in the truck, drove around for awhile, went to the mall, walked around, got Nick a new shirt, got some Cinnabon and got the kids some candy. Left the mall to get gas and went back to Cottage Grove. We bummed around the house for awhile, they left for awhile, I think I took a little nap, they came home, we had dinner and then went to the Cottage Grove Speedway, or whatever it was called. I was hesitant about going, but was going to do it for Nick. The kids liked it, Elijah liked it the most, Devin was into it, but Brandon was bored out of his mind. Our friends left early, around 9:30 and I asked if they would take the older 2 with them. they did and we stayed til it was over at 11:30. 4.5 hours at a race track. Me? Yeah. It was freaking AWESOME. I loved it. It was a dirt track, not very big, but it was SOOO fun. At one point, a dirt claud came through the fence and bounced off Elijah's back, but he was okay, never even flinched.

We went back to the house and put Eli to bed on the floor in our room, hoping he would sleep better. He fell asleep around midnight and woke up at 5am. Not much sleep at all. I went to bed around 1 and got up with him at 5, so I was dragging for the first part of the day Sunday. Jenny made us french toast and bacon for breakfast and then they left for Eugene for shopping or something. I passed out on the bed while Nick and Elijah were playing and then Eli passed out on the couch so Nick put him in bed with me. I got up and we bummed around the house some more. Our friends got home from Eugene and we started packing up for the trip home.

We came home and I was annoyed within 30 seconds of being here. But, we sold our old phones, so I made $200! Woo! That made up for the annoyance a little bit.

Nick made me dinner. He made chicken fingers and pasta roni, per my request. It was wonderful and I loved it!

Bah.

I need to move.

I want to move.

I need a job.

I have a phone interview on Tuesday, though!

I need out of this house!

Well now, let us see.

So, things have been so up and down in the last week, I can't even seem to screw my head on straight. No one will really understand everything, but I am going to jot it down for my self-healing process. Tim took me to court to get full custody of Devin and Brandon in September. We had joint custody since the split in August of 2002. So, in September of 2007 (merely months after he married his new wife) he decided to try for full custody. Lies were told and all in all, he lost. I was awarded full custody with parenting time at status quo. He had/has as much parenting time as he does because he lied. But, that's fine, it's probably better to keep the kids going the way they have been for so long. So, since we won the case, my lawyer and I were responsible in making the parenting plan and sending it for their approval. We never heard anything and we won by default as the court held it for 30 days and they did not approve nor object the plan. So, going through it, I realized there were some clerical errors and things weren't EXACTLY the way they should be, but we are adult enough that we can talk through the clerical errors and go on with our merry way, the way we had been. Then I get a call from my lawyer saying 33(?) days after the judgment went in, they decided to object. I agreed to the amended plan as it had fixed the clerical things and put MOST things the way they should be. We submitted again and won by default, again. This was around December? So, I called my lawyer because I never received anything different and they verified that we had won by default again and to use the latest plan I had.

So, Tim started being "too nice" around February. When I realized what he was doing was somehow going to be used against me in the long run, I told him (through text because he refuses to talk to me) that we were going to start following the parenting plan starting March 1st, no ifs, ands or buts about it. So, we did. And there were arguments. The plan stated that the first weekend in the month was mine. Attached to that was the Thursday preceeding that. He didn't like this because he had them every Thursday night and 3 weekends a night (all part of the lies). I held to my word and things were fine. Come the end of April, I realize we are supposed to have them the 2nd and 3rd but then looked at the calendar and found Mother's Day was the following weekend. I texted him and told him, "Since the parenting plan says I have them ALL of Mother's Day weekend, I will trade you weekends." Therefore he can have them the 2nd and 3rd, I would have them Mother's Day weekend. He gave me no response. The next day, I received yet another parenting plan in the mail, signed by the judge (which meant it was official).

Now, rewind back to about February...I got a call from my lawyer saying they recieved yet another amended plan from his attorney, but they had already withdrawn as my attorney (as they were supposed to) and they would just forward it on my direction so I could look at it. I got it a few days later and about laughed myself out of my chair. I didn't think anything of it and got a call from his attorney about a week later asking if I was going to sign it so they could submit it and get it approved. I told her, "Absolutely not. I don't agree with it." She says, "So you don't agree?" "No, I don't." "Okay, thank you." and she hung up. I never thought twice about it.

A couple weeks later (this now falls to last week) I get the new plan signed by the judge. I start looking at it and they had the Holidays listed and who was to have them, only it was only listing Thanksgiving and Christmas. No problem, those were the holidays that were messed up in the last plan, they are probably just fixing them. Nick gets home and comments on the only 2 holidays, I told him what I thought and he agreed with me that that is probably all it was. The next day, I was having a bad day and my mother in law decided to sit down next to me and wanted to "talk". I told her things and at the end said, "And now I'm dealing with more of Tim's crap." She asked what they did this time and I started explaining as I was reading the plan out loud. And I found it.

In the Thanksgiving area it states: THANKSGIVING "The nonresidential parent shall have the children commencing when school lets out for the holiday weekend and ending on Sunday at 7:00pm in even numbered years. All other holidays and birthdays should follow the regular schedule for parenting time."

Now, tell me how that works? How they can sneak the "all other holidays and birthdays" under Thanksgiving.

This is at what point I lost all control of myself. He took everything away from me. Everything. Every holiday and birthday except the ones that happen to land on the first weekend of every month or on a Monday-1/2 of Thursday. No more Memorial Day/Boatnik with them, no more Easters with them, no birthdays for the next 4 or so years. This is ridiculous...what's even better? He took Mother's Day!!!!!!!! WHAT IN THE WORLD WOULD MAKE HIM THINK HE COULD TAKE MOTHER'S DAY?!?!?! When did he give birth to them?!?!?!?!

*sigh*

This makes me very sad. I have sunk in a hole, lower than I have been in many years. I thought I had climbed out of my depression, my whole life has changed since Nick and I have been together but this....this is out of my control. This isn't fair. To me OR the kids.

I called my lawyer to see if he would represent me again. I want to take this back to court and I want blood this time. My lawyer has been deployed for a year. I was referred to another lawyer in the firm, but I have to pay the balance that I owe, THEN pay for the consultation which is billed at the normal hourly rate of $225, THEN the lawyer would decide what he wants to collect for a retainer. Yeah, okay. Let me just go get that out of the bank for you. Anyone who knows me KNOWS I don't have that kind of money. Heck, one of Nick's checks wouldn't cover the consultation alone! Yeah, that's how bad things are.

Okay, so here it is...I'm hoping that by journaling/blogging, I can really start getting over this because I have to pay money to see the doctor about meds and the meds won't even work for 4-6 weeks. I can only hope I don't completely lose it before then. lol

Hmph.

My life has pretty well gone to Hell in a handbasket.

School has denied me the ability to attend this fall unless....I pay for a term on my own. *sigh* I left the last term on bad terms and I am academic probation. Go me.

And to make yesterday look like cake, my son hid my $30 antibiotics I just got yesterday. And after crying for as long as I have, my sinuses hurt like hell and I could definitely see sticking the vaccuum hose up my nostril and sucking the infection out myself.

Graphic, I know. I am sorry.

Haha

So, Elijah wants toast. He starts whining and I tell him it has to cook first.

"No cook first!"

"If I don't cook it, it's not 'toast'."

He doesn't quite understand this yet, but he is now sitting down eating his jelly toast.

I just have one thing to say...

Cause I'm really butt-hurt about it and can't seem to let it go!

HOW DARE YOU MAKE COMMENTS ABOUT SOMETHING ON THE ONE DAY I TOOK OFF BECAUSE I DIDN'T FEEL GOOD!!! LOOK WHO DOESN'T DO ANY FREAKING THING AROUND HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*sigh*

Maybe this will help me cope better.

Sooo...Friday, is it?

Well, today I have managed to wake up to my little one singing "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star", which was precious in itself. I lied in bed listening for as long as I could until I heard, "Mama, I need more milk!" lol He cracks me up. I drug myself out of bed and went to his room where he greeted me with, "HI MAMA! Can I have more milk?" and shakes his cup at me to let me know it's empty. From there, it went down the pooper of sorts.

The kid single handedly destroyed the livingroom. Twice. The dog hiked his leg on the corner of the toybox (not mine, the in-law's), Elijah is heartbroken that we are out of "ogurt", so instead, he has had a bowl of cereal, eggs and ham, cheetos, more ham, and a string cheese that he made me open so that he could tell me he didn't want it. So, I needed some quiet time and used the television as a baby sitter so I could have an hour of peace. It was nice. Posted my mother in law's dogs on Craigslist for her and was browsing the ads for awhile. Now it's an hour until naptime. Let's see what else he can get into!

Ah yes...

Never underestimate what a 2 year old can do to your livingroom in minutes!

Video to back up my last post!

They are a few minutes long, but they are cute and funny!

Colors


Animals


Numbers

And hilarity ensued!

Elijah and I were in my bedroom getting ready to leave when he spots his wooden puzzles put up on a shelf. He begs with everything he has to get me to let him have them. I gave him 1. His animal one (it has less pieces than the number one, so that's good for me). So, he starts taking them all out and we are playing our normal game of "What's that?"

The conversation goes as such:

"Mama, what's this?"

"I don't know, Elijah...what IS that?"

"It's a kitty cat!!!"

"Yes, that's a kitty cat."

"Mama, mama! What's this?!" (as he points to an alligator)

"I don't know, Elijah, what IS that?"

"It's a crocodile!"

"No, honey, it's LIKE a crocodile, but it's called an ALLIGATOR."

"A crocodile!"

"Okay, okay."

"Mama? What's THIS?""I don't know, Eli, what IS that?"

"It's a blue piggy."

ROFLOL

"No, honey, that's a hippo!"

"It's a blue piggy. *does the snorting sound*"

It was too cute to argue over any more.

Just shoot me and get it over with

This has *not* been a friendly week thus far. Monday wasn't so bad, I was having a great day to myself. All the kids came home and it was pretty uneventful. Tuesday...now Tuesday was the beginning of bad. Tuesdays are like my Mondays, they are normally pretty horrible and I often get a case of the "Tuesdays". Please forgive me for the lack of sleep has made it to where pretty well my memory is shot, so I might not get all of yesterday right. Monday night I'm pretty sure the puppy kept me up off and on. I think I was up around 3, 3:30 and stayed up until 5:30, after Nick left for work, just to have the alarm scream at me at 6:40. I got up and got the kids going. No horrible fights between us, just them being noisy and as we live in a paper house, I try to keep them a little quiet in the morning because Nick's parents are still sleeping, usually, even though it seems we don't get the same respect...anyhow, that's not my point. I got them out of the house and to school. I came home, I really don't remember how it went exactly, but I got frustrated with the dog again. All it seems that I ever hear is my father in law screaming at her because she's trying to be a puppy and play with the other dogs. So, I took her, and the obnoxiously loud 2 year old and went to my bedroom, door closed. We watched cartoons all morning, I was in and out of conciousness from 9 until about 11:30 I woke up to check on the babe and he was passed out next to me. I turned the tv off and fell back asleep only to be awoken by the puppy, again. I took her out about 12:30, let her back in and went back to sleep. I was that tired. She woke me (and the baby) up again at 2:15 or so. Nick came home somewhere around 3. Oh, I called my dad when I got up, right before Nick got home because when we took the puppy from them, he said, "If anything goes wrong, or you can't keep her, bring her back here, we will find her a home." So, I originally called to talk to my mom...she's much easier to talk to. But, I sucked it up because she was at work and talked to him. He started chewing me out at first and when I started crying (because I didn't want to get rid of the dog, not because he was chewing me out), he apologized and said he had been really sick and in bed the last few days, he was just feeling grumpy and he knew I was doing what I had been told to do. That he was sorry I was going through the things I was. He was genuine about it. Or so it seemed.

I did what he told me to and talked to my mom, only she didn't answer her cell, so I just went by her work and told her what happened. She apologized for what we are going through and said she would run another ad for me and find her a home. We picked up the boys (so they could say good bye to the puppy) and called my dad on the way out to his house. The conversation suddenly shifted and he went from, "Sure!! Bring her back cause that's what I told you to do." to, "Well, I want you to try and find her a home as well, but she can stay here while you look, that's fine." Then, 10 minutes later when I got there.... It was a scream fight. Suddenly I was to "face the music and my responsibilities and I was to go stand in front of Wal-Mart this weekend and try to give her away." I walked away with him screaming behind me. Climbed back up in my truck and cried the whole way back to my mom's work. I can't believe the things he does to me. I wanted to apologize to my mother for what she was going to have to hear about when she got off work because of me.

So, that was pretty much the end to my bad night. I woke up with the dog at 2:30 this morning. Despite the fact that I went to bed at 11, I couldn't fall back asleep. I was furious. Around 3, I ended up getting sick to my stomach. Can't seem to sleep on a full stomach and I did eat a lot of dinner last night, so it came back up. 3:30 came and went, as did 4, I got REALLY mad at this point because Nick's alarm goes off at 4:45, and 4:54, and 5:03 before he finally gets up, so I knew it was going to be awhile before I got to fall asleep. I happened to start drifting off right before the alarm went off...then I was up, again. I got up with Nick, saw him off to work and went back to bed. Unsuccessful at sleep once more.

I got up at 6:30 to get kids ready for school. I had the normal issues with the boys; they were loud, uncooperative and unruly. Great start for a sleep deprived day. I dropped them off at school, came home and the baby was being pretty good, so I was just fiddling around on the internet. I placed an ad for the puppy on Craigslist and within 7 minutes, I got a call from people in Eagle Point that wanted her. They would be here at noon. I re-arranged my bedroom and cleaned our livingroom to keep myself awake. They came just after 12. Nice couple. Young, looked like they would have a little love for her. I hope she has a happy life. I didn't cry, suprisingly.

I laid down with the baby at 1. He fought me. Hard. I paddled his butt and he cooperated and fell asleep quickly. I laid there for a little while and apparently passed out shortly after. I slept until 4:10, he woke up about 4:30. Nick and I got into a heated discussion for a few minutes after a miscommunication and a short journey on the "drama llama" that seems to frequent our house. He picked up the kids from the Boys and Girlst Club, came home and they did their homework. I found out for the 2nd day in a row, Brandon was caught in the bathroom soaking paper towels and wadding them up to throw against the wall. Yesterday he was an accomplice, today he went solo. What gets me is he was so upset and so hurt for disappointing me yesterday, that he begged for his forgiveness and promised he would never do it again....just to, do it again. *sigh* I'm at a loss with him right now.

But, it's time for dinner and while I don't want to eat, I need to get the rest of the family fed.

Tata for now.

Something of an update

Anyone want a puppy?




Yeah, she's cute and all, but she's driving me nuts! She's worse than any newborn-2 year old that I have ever met! She keeps me up at night, she whines, she pees and poops everywhere, she picks on the other animals, she gets into stuff she's not supposed to. I wake up with bags under my eyes, I'm sluggish all day long and she doesn't sleep for more than 2 hours at a time!
UGH!

Well, now that that is out of the way...

Ahem...

It was a semi-typical weekend. We finally got the rest of the truck payment paid and the insurance started, so I get to keep my truck for at least another 2 weeks, when the next payment is due. Yay me. On the downside, nothing else got paid. The phones are in danger of being shut off and storage was due 3 days ago.

So, anywho...Nick had Friday off. He had gotten a couple extra hours over the week and his company allows Good Friday to be a half day, so they just told him to take it off, he was just under 40 hours. We spent the day doing...something, though I don't remember what lol. Friday night we went out to Whiskey River in Central Point and hung out with our friend while her man (another of our friends) was playing a gig. We got home about 2:45am and I fell asleep about 4. Got up with the baby at 7, went back to bed at 9 after Nick got up and slept until about 12, when I had to start getting the baby ready for his dad's. Sent him off, ran to the dump in Glendale (had Nick's mom pay for the gas cause it's free up there since we still have our sticker), came home and got ready for our double date that really couldn't afford. lol

We went to Olive Garden at 5:30, had dinner (didn't cost what I thought it would), had about 2 hours to kill, so we drove to Tinseltown, didn't have anything to do and Cassie decided we should go to the little carnival thing they had going on in the mall's parking lot. So, we piled in the clown car (Nick's mom's PT Cruiser) and headed over there. Bought tickets to ride the ferris wheel (we thought it would be romantic), remembered how scared of heights I am, laughed at Nick because he is scared of them, too, left the carnival and went to Coldstone Creamery cause it's right next to Tinseltown, shared a Strawberry Banana Rendezvous with Nick, went to see I Love You, Man (damn good movie), got home around 12:30? Passed out around 2 and got up Easter morning around 9:30.

Nick and I went to the store around 11:30 to get the food for Easter dinner for the 2 of us. Nick's parents were going to a friend's house and my family was sick and all the kids were gone. So, after Wal Mart and Albertson's, we finally found a ham at Safeway. We came home and I cooked ham, deviled eggs, green beans, twice baked potatoes and rolls. It was SOOOO good. And, I ended up feeding Nick's parents because they decided at the last minute that they weren't going to their friend's. Of course.

So, here I am, enjoying my Monday of peace. I love my kids and my husband, but I really love to be alone once in awhile. To not have the tv on and blaring or a 2 year old at my hip 24/7. The dog is napping, all the cats are outside, my mother in law is at a class at the Job Council and my father in law is still in bed.

I am off to save the day!

My wish list

I wish I wasn't falling apart more every day. Both physically and emotionally.

I wish I hadn't made some of the choices I made in the past.

I wish I knew where my life was taking me.

I wish I had more money, but then, who doesn't?

I wish my kids weren't "borderline out of control".

I wish I would have known Nick and I were meant to be about 12 years ago.

I wish Nick knew how much he means to me. I have never felt this way before and it's kinda scary.

I wish I could just get a part time job (more than the 8 hours a week Wal Mart was giving me).

I wish I had a better work history. Everyone wants experience these days and I have little to none.

I wish I didn't live with my in-laws. Not that I don't appreciate everything they do for me/us, just that I am very independent and don't like asking other for help.

I wish I could have had the wedding of my dreams.

I wish having more children was a reasonable option, short of a miracle.

I wish I could run a successful daycare business from home.

I wish I could have my own place. Not necessarily own it, I'm not ready for home ownership.

I wish I got along with the girls more than I do.

I wish the girls liked me more.

I wish I had friends. CLOSE friends. True friends. Like on TV.

I wish my whole world didn't come crashing down at least once a week.

I wish I could track down the smell I am smelling.

I wish I could take Nick's job with us wherever we decide to move, I feel guilty making him consider leaving it.

I wish I didn't feel guilty all the time.

I wish my actions and choices didn't cause my children so much anguish. More guilt comes into play here.

I wish I was happy with what I have instead of always wanting something different/more.

I wish I had bigger boobs. Maybe not bigger, but definitely not the deflated balloons I have now from having 3 kids.

I wish I was skinny again.

I wish people would follow through with what they say.

I wish that I didn't feel like I was the only one trying to "diet and exercise" while watching everyone else eat whatever they want, whenever they want.

I wish the bills would stop piling up.

I wish Obama would hurry up with fixing the economy.

I wish the troops could come home to tend to their families instead of fighting (what I believe to be) an unending war.

I wish there was more sun here.

I wish I was done paying for my truck.

I wish my license wasn't suspended.

I wish Nick would stop smoking.

I wish I lived closer to my best friends. Too bad they hate each other.

I wish I was closer to the few friends I do have.

I wish I could find that smell!!! UGH!

I wish I had neater hand writing.

I wish I had a lap top.

I wish I had more room. I feel so cramped.

I wish my puppy would "skip" the puppy phase and be a well behaved dog.

I wish it didn't seem like I was speaking Japanese when I was talking to the kids.

I wish I wouldn't eat so much.

I wish Nick knew he really is my best friend.

I wish I wasn't so jealous of everyone and everything.

I wish I would complain less.

I wish I was done.

So, I am.

What can I say?

I'm a slacker. Or so it seems.

So, we made it through Spring Break with everyone alive and well (mostly). The boys left for their dad's on Thursday. Late Thursday night/early Friday morning the girls woke up throwing up. They weren't even holding water or medicine down, so we cut everything out of the diet and followed previous doctor's orders to start them out on a tablespoon of water 1-2 hours after the last vomit session. Wasn't working. We had to go run errands and left them here with Nick's parents. We came back and got our laundry (after having 5 kids home all week, there was a LOT), I didn't want to spend the next 3 days doing it in a single washer and dryer, so we went to the laundromat. Emma continued to puke up whatever it was Nick's mom gave her while we were doing errands while Allison seemed almost back to normal. Emma spent her time in the front seat of the suburban with the seat back sleeping. Elijah napped in his car seat while we sat on a bench next to the truck and waited for the laundry. The attendant/owner of the laundromat hoarded our new puppy while we were doing stuff. You know the kind who know so much more about everything than you do? Yeah, that was her. I mean, she was nice, just pushy. We finished the laundry and took the girls to their mom where they continued their vomiting sherade until Monday. They are doing much better now (as far as I am aware).

Elijah left for his dad's/the girl's mom's house (yes, my ex and Nick's ex are together) on Saturday. When Antonio picked up Eli, he mentioned he had a cold and I thought about keeping Eli home, knowing the girls were feeling yucky and now Antonio was. Eli was excited to see daddy, so I let him go knowing he would come back sick. Monday I picked him up and he was a little stuffed up but nothin too bad. Monday night he started coughing. Tuesday during nap, he woke up with a 102 fever. He refuses to take any kind of medicine for me, including tylenol. Nick's mom insisted I leave him home with her and Devin while Nick and I went grocery shopping and picked up Brandon. So, I did. I met Nick at Wal Mart and fought the crowds to get some food. 2 hours later, we came home and Nick gave Elijah tylenol, no problem. No fighting, no crying, no smacking at the syrienge, nothing. I was impressed and thought maybe he was over his argumentive stage. He gave him more before bed to cover at least most of the night, again, no problems. Elijah woke me up off and on all. night. long. I could hear him talking to himself and coughing through the baby monitor. He "woke" up when it was time to get kids up for school with yet another fever, I offered him medicine, he fought me tooth and nail. I gave up. If I try to force it down, he WILL puke it back up or spit it all over himself and me...trust me, I have tried. I let him be and he seemed to still be in a pretty good mood. I got him to let me take his temp at one point and it was about 102. I called the pediatrician at 8:30 when they opened and got him in. We went at 9:30 and he was up to 104.3. I expressed my concerns with the medication, they ran a rapid strep test (more on why next), that came back negative, they offered me an antibiotic through injection and I agreed it was probably the only way to go. I would have to go the pharmacy, pick it up, come back to the dr so they could administer it. We left and got a call from the dr. saying the pharmacy didn't have it in, but could have it by 6:30 or 7. I agreed. They called back, telling me I needed to go by said pharmacy and give them insurance card so they could start processing. I went to Nick's work in Merlin, had him give Eli tylenol (again, he took it perfectly), stopped by the pharmacy uptown, dropped off insurance, they called me a short time later and told me my copay for the injection was $30. I told them I couldn't afford it and called the dr. office back requesting they prescribe him zithromax, a once a day liquid. I figured Nick could give it to him when he gets home from work. The zithromax was only $7.50 for the copay and Nick gave it to him. Eli squirmed a little, but Nick talked him into taking all of it. He is still running a fever and was still up and down all night.

Devin and Brandon came home from their dad's on Sunday. I received them in clothes that were from their dad's house and a bag full of the clothes from my house. Nothing out of the ordinary. Until I got home, I didn't notice that the bag was full of DIRTY clothes. Ugh. For the years that we have been doing this, Tim has always made sure the clothes were washed before the kids came back and I return the favor. If they didn't happen to have time, they would keep said clothes until the next week, but nevertheless, they were clean when they came back. I made a comment along the lines of, "Huh, wonder why they sent them back dirty." and Brandon, who isn't someone you can always believe because of his exaggerations said, "That's because they said they don't care what you think or about you." Now, this time, I would almost believe that, but I'm still not sure. It's too bad we aren't on speaking terms anymore because I sure am curious as to why that happened. So, the kids went to school on Monday like planned and Nick picked them up on his way home. Devin went straight to his bed and laid down complaining of a bad headache. I figured he just had an extra hard day at the boys and girls club and got him some tylenol and water. Sometime later that night, he was running a fever. I kept him home on Tuesday and the headache was then accompanied by stomach pain. No vomiting or diarrhea, just hurting. So, that night I got it out of him that his throat might have hurt, just a little. I called the dr the next morning. He had a positive rapid strep test and was prescribed zithromax. He is feeling much better now.

So, as soon as we can get Eli over whatever he has and crossing my fingers that the girls don't come over with anything tonight, we should have a good weekend! We hope to take them swimming at the Y. The girls improved with their swim lessons over spring break, but they couldn't go on Friday due to the sick they had, I'm curious to see what all they learned.

And, as always, Nick and I are awesome. He had a great vacation and I wish we could afford for him to stay home more or find something we could do from home/together, but it's just not possible right now. I love having him home (most days lol). I am still struggling with my sinus issue, though the pain isn't too horrible lately. The worst part today is my back. It feels as if my whole lower right quadrant of my back is....seized? The slightest movement and I wince in pain or want to cry. I have one particular way I can be, so far, that doesn't hurt as bad. Unfortunately, it requires me to hunch my back.

And now it's just about time to get the kids up and going for school.

Ahh...

So, we are about half way through Spring Break and all of the kids (and myself) are still alive!!! I thought this week was going to be a lot harder than it has been, but all in all, it really hasn't been all that bad. We got the girls Friday night, Saturday we did some running around (birthday shopping and whatnot), Sunday was a chill day at home. I think. Sunday night we picked up the boys. Brandon was off the wall, as he usually is when we pick them up. I don't think I really ever got him all the way calmed down. Monday was the day I felt the most rushed. I had to bake a bazillion and a half cupcakes for the party that night, was watching the weather intently because for a week before hand, they said it was just supposed to be mostly cloudy, no rain, temperature in the mid 50's. Then when I watched the news that morning they changed it to rain by 5pm. Spiffy. the party was at 6. I made a last minute effort to message everyone I knew and let them know the party had to be moved indoors and we were going to take it to Pizza Hut. That's when everyone suddenly bailed on us. I had 5 people tell me that day that they weren't going to make it for one reason or another. So, as with every party (and every year this happens), my 2 long term friends with their 5 kids each came, as did my parents, and Nick's parents. Sigh. I really don't know why I even try anymore. So, we had 9 adults and 15 kids. lol We pretty much over took Pizza Hut, which, I guess I'm glad it was on a week day when no one was really dining in. The kids went crazy and had a bunch of fun. When it was over, my parents took the older boys for a couple nights. So, that gave us a break at home. We are going to be picking them up in about an hour.

I enrolled the girls in free swim lessons that happen every day during spring break every year at the Y. Allison is still mostly afraid of the water and Emma can swim with noodles, but I wanted them both to get more familiar with it. Eli can't go until next year. I got to go on Monday, while Elijah was gone, but Nick's parents have been sleeping in every morning, so I have had to stay home with him the last 2 days and have Nick take them alone. I am saddened, but he assures me they are doing well. Except when Alli puked in the pool today after drinking too much water. lol

So, since the weather doesn't want to seem to cooperate and we don't have the funds to find some place warm and sunny, we have been rather bored at home. I can only take so much Rockband and Guitar Hero and Gears 2 doesn't seem to float my boat. So, I have been spending way too much time on the computer, if we aren't watching a movie or playing Yahtzee! :) We watched Transporter 3, good movie. Just like the first 2. We watched Twilight because Nick FINALLY finished the book (I'm on the 3rd one). It was an awesome movie but I really enjoyed the book more. I'm excited to see the next one.

So, I guess I am done typing my "novel" as Nick says it is and I am going to find something more constructive to do.

Ciao!

Kicking and screaming

Despite my best efforts to do *nothing* today, except maybe laundry, I was sort of, in a way, forced out of the house. Elijah has been something today. He was annoying my father in law by getting into the stuff he was getting into, so around 1 (which is usually naptime, but he slept in way late today), I got us dressed and we went and ran errands. We went to Blockbuster and got Transporter 2 so Nick and I can finally watch the 3rd one. He attempted to rearrange the whole store in the 4 minutes we were there. We went to Portola park, which really isn't a park, but tennis and basketball courts. We even took a ball. I figured it would entertain him. He started wandering and noticed the playground of Riverside Elementary and I decided we could hike over there for a few, then go home for our nap.

We were there about 30 minutes and when it was time to leave, I had to get 2 balls, my book that another girl threw in the dirt/rocks for me, and drag a screaming baby behind me. He wasn't ready to leave but it was almost 3:15 and he needed a nap. We came home and I put him to bed, with more fighting. He passed out fairly quick, like I knew he would and I came in the computer room to fart around while the laundry dries.

My mother in law is very much into ancestry so she decided she wanted to put my info in there and start looking at my family tree. My phone rang and I ignored it because it was Nick's ex and I was in the middle of talking to my mother in law. So, then my mother in law's cell starts ringing and she answered it. It was, again, Nick's ex. Based on the responses I heard, she mentioned that Nick wasn't off work and home yet and then she asked if I was home. When Nick's mom asked if she needed to bring the girls by and drop them off, she refused, said I hadn't answered my phone and she would just wait for Nick. So, I got irritated. Nick and her had had an agreement because he was working late unexpectedly and I wasn't going to interfere with that. I didn't know what they had worked out and wasn't going to impose.

I called Nick because I was irritated and he told me not to worry about it.

I tried.

Then she called me again.

I answered this time and she's desperate to bring the girls over because she's having a bad day. So, I don't feel like venting anymore, because she came over and made it better.

Well, I'm off to start the bbq for dinner. Steak, baked potatoes and salad...yum!

Bored

Out of my ever loving mind. So, I come here to type!

It's Friday. Normally that's a good thing, but I feel kind of anxious about this Friday. This afternoon we get the girls. That's not anything uncommon as any every other Friday afternoon. I'm just not feeling well. I have low patience with them. It's spring break and they will be here for one week. Until next Friday. I don't claim to be the perfect parent. I get frustrated with my kids and even more so with "other" people's kids. I love the girls to pieces, but living with Nick's parents make it really hard to parent them. For Nick, also. Nick's mom tends to override what we want/say. She has gotten a lot better about it, but it's still there. Stupid stuff that makes me mad. Like the fact that Emma, being just turned 6, THINKS she is a vegan. She refuses to drink milk (but will have it on her cereal), won't eat any red meat, and she's starting to turn against poultry. It makes my menus very difficult, but we have figured ways around normal weekends. This isn't a normal weekend.

Allison is...well, 3. And a girl. So, she just doesn't listen and on top of it, throws fits, cries constantly and will go behind our backs to play Nick's mom against us. It's awesome. She, of the 2, I am closest with, but she can still be...a girl.
Thank goodness I have boys. I wouldn't know what to do with girls...and I am one!!! Although, Elijah seems to giving me a run for my money today. He is so energetic and I am so...not. On top of the sinus infection I STILL have, my ear is still in a way bugging me, and my throat started hurting pretty bad last night. I still have a horrible cough and feel like I'm going to die. Until the sun comes out. Then, I suppose I just ignore it all and try to enjoy the sunshine. Eli has decided he doesn't want to do anything I say, stole my FIL's phone, played in the dog food, was flicking spoonfuls of milk at the dogs and giggling...oy.
I tell ya, if he weren't so darned cute, he'd be on ebay already. lol Kidding of course!!!

I went to parent/teacher conferences yesterday. Both boys are doing absolutely outstanding!!! Devin is right on track for 4th grade and is exceeding some in math and a lot in reading. Brandon is SUPER exceeding in math, doing 3rd grade math when he's only in 1st, and we are discussing having him tested for TAG to ensure he gets the challenge he needs in school. Devin received all A's and B's and Brandon doesn't have letter grades yet but is still doing awesome.
Hopefully I start feeling better soon. I don't have any extra money for more doctor visits. We have a birthday party for Brandon and Emma coming up on Monday and all our money this week is going to that. I have yet to write Brandon's 7th birthday letter...I must be slacking.

Here's to hoping I get motivated!

Well,

I am semi-jealous that I can't seem to figure out my blog enough to add cool stuffs to them like my neat-o friends, but, oh well! I just need a place to vent, so here it is!


And on a side note:

Happy Birthday!!!!!!! To my most incredible, awesome, middle son. I ♥ you so much!

Meep.

So, real exciting, but I went to the Ear, Nose and Throat doctor today. Twice, really. I drug my butt out of bed to get dressed (I usually drop the kids off at school in my pj's), brushed my mop of a do, got the babe dressed and left the house. Dropped them at school to come back home for a few. My appointment was at 9. Or so I thought. I got allllllllllllllll the way up town and they tell me, "Uh, you're appointment isn't until 3:30 with an arrival time of 3:00." My jaw dropped to the floor and I left. I was really upset, but I guess I just wrote it down wrong. My truck was on "E" and I had $4 to my name so to drive all the way back up town was out of the question. I called Nick to complain to him, but to no avail. Talking to him didn't magically give me more money, he just comforted me.

I stopped by Lithia Dodge cause I have a friend from high school who works there. (I found an interesting fact out about said friend. He named his first daughter after me, which I knew about, and today, he found out we have the same birthday. How crazy is that?!?!) So, I wanted to talk to him about my options of getting rid of my truck for something...cheaper...as a friend, not a car salesman. So, long story short, it's not happening. There is nothing HE can do with how much is owed on my truck and the credit I/we have. Sweet. I can't afford the payments either, so, I have no idea what is going to happen.

Anyhow, I went by a friend's house that I haven't seen in quite some time and dropped off her A/C I borrowed last summer and visited for awhile. Brought Eli home for his nap and left for my doctor, again. Nick met me at the office cause it was good timing, and on the way home. I got there about 2:55, they called me back around 3:55. The doctor said the CTscan wasn't showing anything but a thickening in the sinus cavities. I told him I had severe pain and pressure on my left side. He numbed the left side with a spray, stuck the scope up there and told me he could see a polyp right off the bat. Maybe it formed after I had the CTscan 2 months ago? I don't know. In any case, he took a culture of my infection and gave me really strong anti-biotics for 2 freaking weeks, a nasal steroid and I have to "flush" my sinuses at least once a day, twice would be ideal. If this doesn't work, I have to have surgery. Again. My 4th one in 8 years. I don't want to have surgery again. My biggest fear with is going under anesthesia. With the previous surgeries, recovery was more painful and longer with each surgery. The last one took me a good 2 weeks to fully recover with the bleeding and the pain. How long will it be this time? And with a 2 year old running around, that should be great.

So, that's my news for today. I will let you know when it's certain. I go back in a month.

Let us see...

So, due to SOMEone whining that I *never* post on here, here it is!

I never post because it seems that I whine about the same things over and over.

I still have no job, but with talking to Nick yesterday, we have decided that with it being so close to the end of the school year, there is no point. The amount for 3 kids in daycare would be insane and he has assured me he will work extra to make it to where I don't have to work...yet. I'm not sure how I feel about this at the moment, I still feel as if I could very well go insane one day from just sitting here day to day.

We started our membership at the Y on Friday. We started our workout routine yesterday. We think to make our lives easier, we would have to work out Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and try to squeeze at least one workout on the weekend. Wednesday is too hectic at home because the kids have to make sure their homework for the week is finished and that they are bathed and ready to appear at their Father's, after school, the next day. So, we will make Wednesday and Saturday our breaks/family days.

I woke up this morning to a certain almost 7 year old (2 days!!!) in my bed making funny noises. He apologized when he woke me up and I found out later that he got up to pee while Nick was getting ready for work, laid back in bed until Nick left and then joined me back in my bed. How lovely it was to have him there when I woke up. lol It about nearly scared the pee out of me, but nice nonetheless. I got up and took them to school, donated some pants to the school cause they needed them and the boys outgrew them, checked on the cookie dough order, found it wasn't there yet, stopped by the Y, signed the tweedles (the girls) up for free spring break swim lessons because I am tired of carrying around TWO babies when we go to the pool. Elijah is acceptable, but Allison doesn't even want to TRY to let go of our necks. She won't jump off the side, cries when water gets in her face and just doesn't have fun. This will, hopefully, help her get more used to the water. Emma does good as long as she has a life jacket on or some noodles to hold on to. She wasn't that hard to threaten, I mean, get used to it.

I came home, started some crock pot fajitas for dinner (new recipe) and talked to my mom. I haven't talked to her in, well, forever. It sucks, but I refuse to call the house because my dad is a dick and she never answers her cell phone. So, I let her call me. We complained about Tim and how stupid he is with my boys, complained some about Antonio and Angela, talked about my little cousin finally being adopted by a family in Idaho. We talked about Xboxs and the boys, and even her taking them spring break. YAY!

I then decided to clean out the baby's toy box. Now that he is over 2, there was some infant toys in the box that we could really use passing on, as 3 of my friends just had babies. I dug all 8,537 hot wheels out of the bottom and put them in the box they are usually in for quick access because that's usually all he plays with. I must have emptied, seriously, 1/2 the toy box. It made enough room that I could cram the girls' toys in there and have a little less clutter around the house. yay me!

I have done the dishes, made my bed and cleaned my livingroom. I need to get my last load of laundry that has our bathing suits in it out of the dryer and folded. We need them tonight.

Brandon is still a loose cannon. He has the ability to control himself now, probably, 85% of the time. The other 15% I think he just doesn't care. I got so mad at him last night that I told him I was going to sell all of our videos games and not allow them to touch my computer or my Nintendo DS if they didn't start showing more respect to us by actually LISTENING when I ask them (mostly him) to calm down. Funny that, he was perfect the rest of the evening. Well, except trying to con me into giving him a dessert here when he had already had one at his dad's. The boy is horribly smart. He likes to play me/us and I'm not going to get walked all over by a 7 year old. Luckily, Devin is VERY honest and even though I am sure he would have LOVED to have a 2nd dessert, he told me right away they had already had one. Brandon wasn't very happy with him. lol

Conferences are coming up this Thursday and I am interested to see how they have grown in their education. Unfortunately, I have gotten to the point where I have requested a seperate conference from their dad. I don't want to see or hear his wife. I could tear her apart from limb to limb. On the plus side, the schools are VERY willing to give us 2 seperate times to meet so we don't have to cause any scenes.

And, while I was at it, I probably just made his life a little more hell because I called the kids' psychologist and asked them if it was possible to send their dad a bill because per our divorce papers, he is liable for 50% of any unpaid medical costs. 2 kids at what, $100-150/hr. Yeah, not cheap. They do happen to contract with my ex's insurance, so they will pay some, but I think out of pocket is $1000, then they pay 100%. They are really awesome at working out payments with families, but why should I pay the whole amount when he is liable for half?

MUWHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

I'm evil. And I ♥ it!

Life. Or the lack thereof.

So, things have been pretty unproductive. Our taxes came and went. We didn't pay everyone we should have/wanted to, but doesn't that happen every year? We also didn't get as much back as we had hoped. Meh, there's always next year. Found out yesterday that Nick's license is suspended. They decided to pull him for a random insurance check and he didn't respond. They mailed the notice last July. To a PO Box we had in town, that was on his license, but we had a PO Box in Glendale at that time, so he never got the notice. Niiiice. So, they say, "Give us proof that you had insurance on your vehicle as of July 29th, and we will reverse the suspension. Otherwise, you need to file an SR-22 for 3 years and pay a $75 reinstatement fee." Sweet. So, since I don't have the old insurance card, I called our old carrier and they said we cancelled in May. Poop. Now we are both suspended and both have to file SR-22s. Awesome. At least his only costs $75...mine is going to be over $1,000.00.

So, anywho...we got new phones with our taxes. Our old ones were going down the crapper and in no way were going to last until our contract is up in 18 months. I finally got my wedding ring, 6 months after getting married, lol. Not that it was our fault, things just happened around that time. We paid our bills to current and got a few little things here and there. And there went all the money. We are going to try and sell our pickup and be a one car family. We will see how that goes.

I applied for financial aid and to go back to school, so we will see how that pans out. I haven't heard anything back on taking my CNA class that is supposed to start in March, so I guess maybe I didn't get picked. Nick is finally caught up on his child support and we are getting that situated with his payroll and I'm still not really getting any. It's never as regular as Angela's is, I can never depend on when it will come, or how much it will even be. I check my account regularly and I will see deposits of $26, $43...weird shit. But there's no rhyme or reason as to when or how it will get there. It sucks when you depend on it to pay your bills and you can't even seem to depend on it.

We have all the kids this weekend, on top of it being Nick's big 30!!!!th birthday on Sunday. He has decided instead of making it about him for HIS birthday, he wanted to make it about the kids. How sweet is that? Or is he trying to avoid turning 30? lol Saturday we are taking the kids to the Ashland Science Works Museum and Sunday we are going to spend the day (or as much as we can) at the Family Fun Center.

So...that's the jist of it. I will update on anything that may happen in the future!